I can relate 100% to what you describe....Sadly, it took me close to half a century to realize what you describe here :-)
If you care to have a look at my introduceyourself post, that´s exactly what you will see... https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@claudiop63/portrait-of-an-innovation-addict-my-journey-from-quantum-chromodynamics-to-cryptos-going-through-cern-and-lots-of-other-places