Hello friends...

I am sitting here very sad tonight with a whiskey in my hand. For an hour and a bit now I have been sitting here silently thinking to myself about something that happened tonight. But instead I thought I would share this here. I don't care for entertainment. I just wanted to write and share.

In one of my previous posts where I opened up and told a lot about myself and cried genuine tears of all four emotions while I wrote it. Part of my story in that post talked about how I lost 1.1 million dollars during the 2008 subprime disaster which was at a time when I just freed my parents from a mortgage, a baby on the way, and brought a very close friend financial freedom.

Long story short. I lost all my money plus a whole lot that was borrowed. My parents got involved and now had to have a mortgage again. And a close friend of mine who got involved in what I was doing got a bigger mortgage than before.

The next few years was a blur between working in the daytime as a substitute teacher, laboring at night, and not sleeping. I was never there for my son's, first steps, first words, and most of hit babyhood and toddlerhood as I was either working, or sleeping.

After a long drawn out divorce I lost all my property and was left with $3000 which I mostly paid back to my parents for something I owed them. And the next few years was going between jobs. Working in factories when I can on fixed term bases. Got in and out of bad relationships. Some self destructive behaviour when I was not contemplating or attempting suicide.

One thing and one thing only kept me from entering the afterlife and that was my son. My Sifu (Kung Fu Teacher) and some friends like emergency counselors reminded me of what would happen to my son if I left him this way. I could not do it. At one point I got an opportunity to go and teach English in Korea. It was a chance to get away from all this pain and make some money to pull myself out of this hole. But I could not do it, even after I paid the deposit with money I did not have. I could not bear the thought of seeing my boy once a year and him looking different every time I saw him. And he begged me not to go in tears more than once......The helplessness from being inside this cage of despair and not knowing when it was going to end. Actually believing that things were always going to be like that is something do not wish upon anyone. I do not say this lightly.

Why am I so sad tonight?

Earlier in this post I said that a good friend of mine got involved into what I was investing in. He enthusiastically asked me for months to let him get involved as I was earning a huge monthly passive income for two years before the subprime storm. I for one did not see it coming. For the whole time myself and the group involved in this e-mini trading hub was asking him if his mindset was right. He insisted he is ready for the risk. He got involved within three months before the subprime storm where the backup money was in a bank account collecting high interest (this was organised by the leader of the project).

To say the least the shit hit the fan...

That was 9 years ago. And in the last 3 years I have pulled my life together. A full time job, some freelance writing, this gave me the opportunity to work with no intention of resting for as many waking hours as I can and it paid off. I now rent a house without crashing on a friends place for low rent ( was still in this situation when I was married again), I own 2 second hand cars to commute with, I support my wife through studies, I look after my parents after my dad was laid off, I pay for everyone's health insurance but my own, for me I bought life insurance. I am doing ok. I am about to get a mortgage and buy a house so I have something to leave behind if I die. I am by no means rich. But call it starting all over again at 40.

The friend who lost money when I lost money and my parents lost money looks me up once every a while and asks me if things have changed. I wish I had better things to tell him. The last two times I was contacted was by him a few months ago to ask me to give him money and tonight by his wife tonight while commenting on a Facebook post where I was sharing with friends and family that I have been married to my beautiful wife 2 years ago today. Her post tonight accused me of knowing that the disaster was coming up and that I stole the money somehow and that I have cheated them.

I always had a commitment of giving it back to them. I work my tail off, while buying lottery tickets religiously with the same numbers every week for 6 years now. But after this heart wrenching accusation I am not sure I am interested anymore. I don't cheat, lie, steal, or do anything to hurt people. My dad did not tell me but showed me that he has never hurt anyone but is always helping someone. He is my hero and I want to be a hero one day.

Nevertheless I am left very sad....

Thank you for taking time to let me share...

Regards

Yoda