Lost after my Father's Demise
Hello my dear friends
I have been absent from steemit for around 15 days due to a tragedy.
Ahhh, I feel a bit off color and I truly don't know what to write so please pardon me if this post may seem a bit incoherent to you.
With broken heart and immense pain I announce that
On last Monday My beloved father, Muhammad Saeed Akhtar (57 years) passed away due to cardiac arrest.
May his soul rest in peace.
It was sudden and extreme on me and my family. His demise has hit me and my family pretty hard. I must admit that I am no stranger to loss and experienced grief before. My grand-ma died 1 year ago and it was excruciating. But now after my father’s demise I experienced the whole bunch of amalgamated emotions. And I can’t fully describe it as grief, anger, anxiety or depression. I feel my self standing hopeless in a dark closed ally. These are the darkest days of my life and the worst part is that I don’t want things to get better.
Every night I lay in my bed, staring long into the dark hollow oblivions of my mind for hours. I drag my self out of bed every morning with a feeling of numbness and exhaustion. My family and friends think that I am coping very well because I am feigning a fake smile and getting busy in every days routine work. But from inside I feel deteriorated and being crushed by the weight of my own depression and numbness. Nothing seems the same. Things that used to give me pleasure are now meaningless.
Losing loved ones is excruciating and a feeling has started to breed inside me that
If I stop loving others then I would become impervious to the pain.
Being the elder son and the sole guardian of my family, there are certain things that are expected of me and certain responsibilities that are delegated to me. My family needs me now more than ever.
A dialogue from Game of Thrones keeps resonating my mind these days.
Kill the boy, Jon Snow. Winter is almost upon us. Kill the boy and let the man be born.
I really don't know how to do it.
I don't know how to kill the boy.
I don't know how to let the man be born.
Or may be I simply don't care. And this inner state of mine is starting to become the source of great guilty complex for me.
My condolences Xabi.
Thank you very much Cardinal.
My deepest condolences, @xabi. Nothing can prepare one for the loss of a parent, and nothing can take away the feelings of sorrow and grief.
Give yourself the grace to sit with your feelings, and let them have their way. It is too easy in this fast-paced world we live in today to think that somehow we must begin again with life after only a few days of grieving.
This is not how we are made to function. In the old days it would be expected to do nothing but grieve for 30 days, and people would come gather around the grieving, and grieve with them. A widow would wear mourning clothes for a year.
Now, for some reason, we think we don't need this. In fact, it is good to grieve for as long as you need to, and express it in the ways that show your anguish and sorrow.
If you allow yourself to do this you will actually be able to see and feel the light of day again. If you suppress it, it can eat you alive.
You are in my prayers, my friend. Do what you need to do, and feel all the love and loss as it comes to you. There is no shame in that.
I've upvoted and resteemed this article as one of my daily post promotions for the @mitneb Curation Trail Project. It will be featured in the @mitneb Curation Trail Project Daily Report for 04 FEB 2018.
Your friend,
@mitneb
Thanks for the counsel @mitneb
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, @xabi. You will miss your father for the rest of your life. I hope you can find some comfort in memories of him and in accepting the support of your friends and family. Please be kind to yourself as you adjust. It is hard.
Yes I hope indeed....Thanks for the condolence.
May his soul rest in peace. My Allah give you patience. My brother you are brave. You can do this.
Thanks
Dear @xabi, I have been thinking of you. I'm so sorry to hear this news. May your dad RIP.
Sending you lots of love right now! ❤️
Thank you very much my friend.
I'm so sorry for your loss, @xabi!
I believe that what you are feeling right now is pretty common for someone who just lost someone they cared about. Everything feels shitty for a while, but the good news it that it will be better after a while. It might take a long time before it starts to fell less depressing, but just hang in there, and it will be better at some point!
Right now time and friends are my only allies.
PS
I did missed your blog.
Yeah, that's true. Just take your time @xabi.
That's nice of you to say. I missed your comments as well.
Sorry to hear that @xabi I know how easy it is for other to say that but it's you who know the real pain. May his soul rest in peace and sabre-jameel to you and your family, Ameen!
Ameen and Jazak Allah.
Am really sorry to here about your father's demise @xabi. Take heart my friend, it must really be hard for you. I hope you get better soon .
Right now time and friends are my only allies.
I am so sad to hear about your father passing xabi :( so sorry for your loss
Right now time and friends are my only allies.
@xabi Soory xabi bhai Allah uncle ko jannat may alla jagha naseed Atta farmae Ameen :(
Ameen