What makes a good parent?

What is a sign that you're doing it well?

As a manager in hotels, I've had to deal with a large variety of situations, caused by and due to working with people from all over the world. If you asked me at that time what was the biggest challenge in dealing with people, I'd say 'Trying to keep everyone happy, under stressful circumstances, in a job that few people enjoy doing, that gives them little to no satisfaction, involving occasional (hard) manual labour for sh*t pay'.

My biggest professional challenge was caused when I promoted a woman of Polish origin, who worked her socks off and led by example. She had a good brain and had a good way of leading by example and getting the best out of her team-mates ... except one!

In the same department, I had a young man from Africa (I've forgotten the exact country) and for him it was difficult to follow instructions from a woman. It went so far that it came to a loud argument in the middle of the restaurant, in attendance of my restaurant manager. As this was the second incident I had with him, I had no other choice but to fire him.

You're probably asking a few questions right now:

• Could we have worked it out? Maybe.
• Was it deserved? Maybe.

The point I want to make is, there was a situation ... and I had a way to deal with it.

Now, before I head to the topic of my post, I don't want to leave this unfinished. As this was back when I lived in the U.K., the young man tried to sue me for discrimination. When I told the responsible person from Human Resources who contacted me, that this was not the case and that I had people from all nationalities and continents in my team (from Egypt to Russia and from Morocco to Turkey) and that I am Jewish myself, she couldn't stop laughing. She must've had the shortest case in the history of the company.

In a few months my daughter is going to turn 3 and my wife and I believe that she has reached the peak of her Terrible Two's. This is a phase where children start testing their boundaries, what are they allowed to do? How far can they go? When do they drive their parents to the limit?

This is very normal. I'm sure that there isn't 1 parent in the world who hasn't been through this, if they're actively involved in raising their children. So the other side of this is, how do you respond? When do you respond? What is an appropriate response?

The simple answer is 'I don't know, but with parenting you can't get away with that answer. Your kids will eat you alive and take advantage of you at every possible opportunity.

I thoroughly believe that ignoring them makes it even worse, so a response is always required. Regardless of how innocent the situation might be. If you ignore the situation we go back to the previous paragraph 'You can't get away with that answer. Your kids will eat you alive'.

A method I use is the three warnings system. Something I've learnt from watching 'Supernanny'. You give your child a warning by saying 'This is your first warning, please ...', 'This is your second warning, ... (no more please)' and with the third warning you send the child to the naughty-step/corner/etc. You explain to them why they are sent there and how long they have to stay there. After a set time, depending on the child's age (1 minute per year), you go back to them and you go to their level, look them in the eyes and ask them if they know why you sent them there. You ensure that they're clear about it and you get them to apologize, sincerely. Then they can leave this spot. This method works miracles.

Here is the Supernanny in action:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxlKgvj7voE

Coming back to the topic of my post What is a sign that you're doing it well? I like to think that I'm doing it well, because my kids are still alive!

No, the fact that they start understanding that they're doing something wrong and you actually see that they're listening and thinking about doing something the next time, when they're about to do something wrong, THAT is the sign that you're doing it right.

Being a parent is the toughest job in the world. You have such a big responsibility on your shoulders. Hang in there and be consistent. Your kids will still love you, even if you have to be firm with them once in a while and often more than once in a while. They will still come back to you, they will still give you cuddles and they will still tell you 'I love you' and if you needed any more signs that you're doing it right, those are it.

As I'm stumbling through life as a father of a daughter (2,5 years) and a son (1 year), I will try to share some of my parenting experiences with you. Please share your thoughts and comments. There is no right or wrong in parenting only ignoring behaviour and letting them get away with it.

Doron