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RE: This Alcoholism Thing Really Really Sucks Big Huge Balls...
Have you tried Out Patient Treatment or even AA meetings?
In any case, the story is real, the shame is real, people including the alcoholic do not understand why they drink again. It is a tough one. Thoughts and prayers to you.
I did go to a 30 day inpatient treatment facility in 2008 and managed to stay sober for over a year. I then went to AA meetings in 2010 and believe it or not(I am not pointing blame here) my sponsor wanted to go to a biker event at a bar. Let's just say I went...left about after an hour and drove straight to the beer store. I have been contemplating AA again and it is the reason why I have my car in the shop after about 8 months of it sitting, so I may attend when my wife is at work(if i get the urge to drink when she is not home). She usually drives me everywhere, because driving is a struggle with my PTSD. Yeah...it's been a crazy life and I'm only 34.
I wish you health and happiness, I am glad to hear you are open to your options. Keep trying until you find what works.