I Tried to Change An Alcoholic - I Tried

 *Continued story - links at the bottom

My house wasn’t a safe place, and I didn’t know that wasn’t normal. 

By my early 20s we were living in a trailer park, he worked and he drank.  I didn’t even have a driver's license.  He was jealous, controlling and wanted me to stay home most of the time.  I, on the other hand was convinced I could make him see the error of his ways.  It was my mission to make him the man I thought he should be.  This is not a good recipe for happiness.  We had both grown-up in dysfunctional households, and our skill sets were limited when it came to conflict resolution, personal responsibility and even simple life skills.  We fought, I attacked, he avoided.  We tried.

*Art by @whatsup

I knew my life had gone off track.   I wanted more, I wanted different.   I didn’t know how.  This will sound funny, but Oprah saved me.  I was sitting on the floor one day, watching Oprah and playing with my daughter.  Oprah’s show was focused on “Adult Children of Alcoholics”, and their addiction to chaos.  A huge percentage of ACoAs either marry alcoholics or become alcoholic themselves. Many ACoAs, have financial difficulties, lack life skills, and create chaos whether or not they are alcoholic themselves.  I experienced a paradigm shift during that hour.  I had inherited a problem and it could be overcome.

Time for action, I had a name for why my life went off track, and I was going to fix it.  I purchased every book I could find on the topic, I went to support meetings, I talked about it.  Within two-weeks of watching that show, I had enrolled in a college course, I was involved in a support group and I felt different.  I tried.
He was not impressed.  He didn’t support the changes, he couldn’t stop me.  From what I had learned already, I quit focusing on what he did.  I understood I couldn’t change him.  I focused on changing me.  I focused all my energy on fixing me.  I tried.

We knew we weren’t happy, and we decided to end our relationship.  I moved out with my daughter and I got a job, I continued to read, and I decided to learn those life skills that I hadn’t learned.  Some of the changes were instant, some of them I am still working on.  However, I tried.

Soon life changed, I was back in school, I had new friends, people who were working on themselves, people who had goals and focus.  Life changed.  I began to let go of things that weren’t getting me where I wanted to go.  I learned new things. I quit hiding and started living.  

*pixabay

That day on the floor listening to Oprah was some 25 years-ago.  In those years, I finished my degree, raised two healthy children, in a house that was safe.  I learned the life skills I had been lacking.  I learned to be happy, I gave up being angry at people and things.

Remember that little girl who never walked into a room without “reading” the mood?  As an adult that turned into the ability to read people during meetings, interviews, and in all settings.  Everyone has a talent, it tooks me years to understand my talent is people.  Some people have sports or singing, music, writing, etc.  I love people.  I am interested in all people, and what makes them tick.  When do they step up, when do they feel successful? I want to bring out the best in people, and I am pretty good at it.

A few years later I remarried and we have now been married for over 20-years, we raised five kids together in a blended family that worked.  I am proud of all of our children.  They are now adults and doing well.  
During my 25 years in business, I excelled at identifying quality employees, understanding what their goals were and creating opportunities which would be mutually beneficial.  I do not fear tough times, conflict and I know it is never too late to work on yourself.  I helped start a company from scratch, which grew to a large publically traded company and now employees 5000 people.

*pixabay

My childhood left a few scars.  I have struggled with anxiety my entire life, and I haven’t been able to completely shake it.  However, they say broken bones heal stronger, and I think broken people heal stronger as well.  My childhood also left me with many gifts that I am grateful for.
Today, I am so thankful for that quiet little girl who learned to survive by hiding.  I am thankful for my parents who gave me the perfect childhood for me to be who I am today.  My life isn’t perfect, but I am happy and content, and I am still trying.  That is what I do.  I try.

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I was touched by how many people related to the story of my childhood.  I am going to do one final post in this series regarding the books, tools and other ways I mended my broken childhood.

Part 1

https://steemit.com/life/@whatsup/i-grew-up-with-alcoholics-i-tried 

Part 2

https://steemit.com/life/@whatsup/i-married-an-alcoholic-i-tried

Related Poem By @macksby - I remain especially touched by his beautiful poem inspired by part 1 of my story.

https://steemit.com/life/@macksby/little-girl-blue-i-tried