I've put my dreams aside again. I'm working every day this week, same as last week. Next month I should be receiving my first full-time work level salary. I imagine I'll want to splurge on food and drinks like most of the mindless worker bots I know. And that's ok.
My goal right now is to find peace and keep it, even in this situation. Dreams? Goals? Future? Community? Art? Whatever.
Of course this is only temporary. I will get back to making music and writing and building meaningful things, hopefully sooner rather than later. But for now I need to face my greatest fear, and that is being uninteresting and average, leaving the world as it is, even when. It's a shithole, having a meaningless existence.
I will find meaning in the meaningless and power in being powerless.
I didn't even think about any of my passions this week. I just watched season 1-2 of the Expanse and slept a lot. It was nice. I listened to a lot of Chicago footwork DJs on the train and spaced out and didn't get upset about anything.
I even had a great time with some friends who were visiting and kind of sort of connected with a community across the city by accident, but I have 0 expectations for future interaction with them, because that always leads to disappointment and more importantly, I want my enjoyment to be unconditional.
So here's to mediocrity! Peace and love!