Ive been there @mikefromtheuk.

Imho, my experience and from what i have learned, suicide/depression/ anxiety, is the brains way of diverting your attention from suppressed/repressed emotions that we are not concious of. Feelings we dont feel or know are even there. After about 30 days of doing journal speak and a few other techniques all the anxiety, depression, and tendencies left me. Also the booze is also the brains attempt at a distraction. Im sending over Nicole Sachs video series. You are strong my friend 🙏💓🙌