I hear ya. Very similar here. I do have slighltly different philosophy / opinions however.

I think that vape is great. Nicotine in general is not bad. Its in tomatos, potatoes, the nightshade family. Very similar to caffeine and that is debatable. Im on the side of the many health benefits to caffeine. Problem comes when we overdue it on the body or if the mind creates issue. Anything can be either a poison or a medicine including water. Not trying to debate or anything just sharing blabbing. My father sees it your way especially the controll aspect. He quit everything except the occasional 6pack at football partys. In advaita philosophy any addiction is rooted in the sense of lack and seperation. In the Christian tradition 1 corinthians 10 23 "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not." Well i could get into some tangles there.

Way i see it, is life isnt worth it if i cant enjoy what i like here and there. Also through philosophy science and meditation the idea of a controller is an odd ground. Its inner conflict which would be the main issue to resolve. Inner reconciliation.

Im going to go nicotine free just to do it. Maybe for @ least 3 months. An idea i had was to use cbd in the vape w zero nicotine.

Blessings in your endeavors.

Love my vape :)