Dear diary

in #life6 years ago (edited)

This shit is breaking my soul. Truly unexplainable. Im missing out raising my son. Hes beautiful and really wants to be around me. His face melts me. Just this morning he was throwing a tantrum at the door trying to come out and see me. Another really bad day and very hard to imagine its getting worse. Everything i try nothing works. Im causing the ones closest to me suffering. My life long friends have mainly disappeared seeing how im never available. I dont really know what i have left. It seems truly evil to ever be in a situation like this. I truly have all the blessings in the universe and am forced into a torture cage while i watch the smiles and rainbows. What a waste of life.

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I'm really sorry to hear how difficult your life has become with the constant pain you are experiencing. May I ask if any injury or illness occurred before the headaches began or if anything else changed in you life before the headaches began? Perhaps I can help you find a trigger that's driving your headaches and from that help you identify a way to shut off that trigger.

Thanks @newsandviews :).

First this is a 24/7 11 year headache. Never turns off. Major head pressure, eye pain, neck pain and a whole host of other symptoms. Originally it was a slight head pressure in center skull by brain stem and feeling of nervousness in body. It has progressed and changed. Imo the source is in either the neck or sinuses. Original neck xray had c2 3 4 twisted and since has been corrected from chiro. Septum is deviated to left and chronic pansinusitis. Most pain is on left side of body. Emotions and thoughts are now being directly affected. Brain mri and ct look good. Neck mri xray look good. Blood work good.

Just felt like sharing. Ive done many things including food triggers etc galore.

My list is not done yet and i welcome all theories tips suggestions etc.

Thank again

Thanks for the insights. Just a couple of more questions though. Were there any major events that happened in your life before the headaches began? (Maybe a few weeks or a few months before) Could be a physical accident, a loss of a loved one, an emotional trauma of some type. This is what I meant by a trigger.

I would highly recommend going to someone other than a standard chiropractor if you haven't already. Standard chiros miss a lot of things, and if your septum is still deviated, then your sphenoid is definitely still out of alignment. There are a couple of approaches that I would check out to start with:

Koren Specific Technique: http://www.korenspecifictechnique.com/

Bio Craniopathy: http://biocranial.net/about/

Hi again,

Yes, sorry i missed that the first time.

My fiance and i moved back to my hometown after a few years being in the country together. She ran into her high school sweetheart and left me lol. We were together for 5 years and within a month of leaving me she was married w a baby on the way. At the time it was the worst emotional trauma i ever had. I am now very thankful for having gone through. That was in 2007.

Next i have had multiple head and neck injuries throughout my life. I have broke many many bones including my nose. None in particular around that time that i can pinpoint. Im having flash memories as i typed that. Maybe a wrestling incident.

I alsi started seriously weight lifting and i am sure at the time my form was probably not perfect and i probably lifted heavier than i should.

Also, i started drinking fairly heavy and using cocaine for about 7 months. When my headache originally started i thought it was a cocaine hangover. I eventually quit the drug. But the headache never went away.

Im in the process of writing a in depth health report and the above will def be included. Ive thought much of all the possible things that could of triggered it.

Yes, the sphenoid. I am currently going through NCR nuero cranial restructuring. They are inserting balloons in the nostril and moving the sphenoid. It has given major relief and def touching source pain. Does have the possibility to fix me and def has helped majorly. Pain is pretty bad tho and i am dealing with a rollercoaster of physical mental emotional symptoms. Normally i am very calm laid back stress free with a clear mind. Im getting doom gloom sensations along with other things which are directly tied to level of pain. When i get the major relief days for absolutely no reason it feels like i am in heaven. I think i have heard of the biocranial. Thank you for your questions and i will look into your links.

Sorry to keep asking questions, but how long after your fiancé left you did the headaches start? I'm just trying to understand if this is potentially the underlying shock trauma that kicked off the headaches.

In New German Medicine terms, psychological traumas initiate illnesses when the psyche can't cope with an emotional shock trauma. When this happens, the body takes over in managing the trauma, but the body only knows inappropriate biological survival responses to address the shock trauma. This can lead to just about any dis-ease you can think of.

In German New Medicine thinking, violently painful headaches are signs of an active biological conflict. Often this is associated with things that one cannot bear to hear, see, or re-experience. The body can be very metaphorical in this regard. If you are unable to bear the pain of the loss of your relationship, this may be the trigger driving the active conflict related to your headaches as well.

Below are some short videos to help explain German New Medicine:

No sorries. Thanks.

Probably 3 to 6 months. I have looked into this area. Ive heard of people developing fibromyalgia due to traumas physical and or otherwise. I have had many traumas both physical and emotional. So many things happened at that time of my life so it is difficult to gauge if it was physical chemical emotional subconscious or other. Conciously i have dealt with that whole situation many years ago. I actually value the experience. I forgave her myself and the whole situation. I learned much about life and myself from it. Im even kinda happy it didnt work, oh the inlaws were terrible lol. I am now happily married w a child. I also have meditated for years and am deeply interested in my inner workings. I have again heard fibromyalgia patients getting hypnotherapy and being cured. Its atleast an option besides the fact i wouldnt trust a stranger to f w my brain. Also there are 2 main types of responses in near death situations like a major car accident. 1 people cant remember a thing. The other everything goes slow motion and every detail is remembered plus some. Ive been in many of those situations and i dont panic, i become very calm and aware of every detail. Doesnt feel like i am suppressing anything. I did at the time become physically ill from the breakup. My whole world changed. Could of set off some sh*t that im not aware of but it could also be to a specific injury or injuries that added up or whatever. Very interesting your knowledge and the biological crap. Itd be nice if it was simple and pain not such a pain. More info to check thank you very much :)

Thanks for the insight. I would have a closer look at this trauma since it sounds like it was a serious shock trauma which is far different than just a standard trauma. This is exactly the type of trauma you are looking for as an originating cause. A shock trauma is specifically one that you are totally unprepared for and hits you out of the blue. You have no defenses in your psyche for it when it occurs.

If you decide to go for KST, have them check for a shock trauma in the brain associated with the headache. They can they check if there is still an active shock conflict with a kinesiological test. They should even be able to identify the brain region of the conflict and do a KST correction against it. I would highly suggest watching the videos I've left on New German Medicine and then be prepared to explain this to them.

By the way, it's really excellent that you have worked on forgiving your ex-financé, but that doesn't necessarily mean the shock trauma and associated biological conflict from it has been fully deactivated. If not, every time the shock trauma gets reactivated you will have a headache. The trigger is likely something that you experienced at the exact same time that she shocked you with the news that she was leaving you. It could be a certain food you regularly eat and were eating at the time. It could be an activity you regularly do and were doing at the time. You'd have to remember the situation of the shock and what you were doing at the time to identify the trigger.

I remember very much what i was doing. This is very interesting.

Interesting that "whatever" can set off a negative biological response. In theory the positive biological response should also be accessible.

Ty, I have some things to research.

What is the purpose of pain?
Pain is a universal experience that serves the vital function of triggering avoidance. The pain sensation is a necessary part of being human. Pain sensation is a fact of life. Even the primitive amoeba takes avoiding action in the face of adverse events.
https://www.sharecare.com/health/pain-management/what-is-purpose-of-pain

If I understand correctly (and I rarely do), there's supposed to be some sort of evolutionary benefit to pain. It would sure be nice if you could "turn it off" though!

Like Swayze in Roadhouse? 😀

I just think of how much better the world could be for a large number of people (myself included) if needless pain could be eliminated. I mean it's nice to have some sort of warning system, but if there's nothing wrong, or nothing you/I/Arnold can do about... SHUT THE FUCK UP NERVOUS SYSTEM!

Wow i really appreciate your comment :). Yeah stfu nervous system! Freaking Ahole. Ima check out your link thanks alot.

You always seem to do a journal entry for me.
Cut and paste.
I mean upped and resteemed.

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