Brief intro

In this particular story, we will be looking at my experiences with spiritual alchemy and how it led me to psychosis that lasted six months.

This is part TWO of my story. Part one can be found in my blog.

The following day

I woke up in the morning and it was a memorable morning alright.
The first thing that I noticed was that my head felt like a car had gone through it.
Sadly that was the least of my worries. I was in a state of total influx. Fully dissociated from my normal thinking pattern's and to some extent dissociated from my self. The only thing I remembered was that I was really worried about what was going to happen when I went to my parents.

I was still living with my mom and dad. Here is some background about them.

My mom is a sick woman, she isn't able to work even to this day forward. Her mental condition is really brittle as she gets over excited about everything, which made me worry what she would think once she saw me.

My dad has provided for the family for quite a lot of years now, working at two jobs so we can survive, back then I was helping him repair cars so we could manage to make a living, the good news was that he was at work at his main job and I had a day off that specific day.

My head was spinning and my thoughts were taking a backseat as anxiety was running all over me. A few minutes after contemplating on what had happened I finally decided to leap out of bed and see what happens.

My head was dizzy, and my eyesight was totally messed up, everything was smudging as if I had taken LSD.

I used to wear glasses but they made me look silly (at least that's what I thought back then). My left eye has a dead nerve which means the vision of it is around 20% at best (I honestly can't make heads or tales of what I see from the left side).

The first step of my journey of learning had begun.

Stage 1/7 Calcination

Calcination represents shedding of what doesn't serve us, breaking down our negative's and letting go so we can have a happier life.

The glasses I had were old and probably outdated but I had no choice so I put them on (haven't taken them off until this day). And I went to buy new glasses the next day that costed me a fortune.

My mother came in the room a few minutes after I left the bed and she asked me what I wanted to eat. The conversation went well from a third perspective, but from my point of view, it was something really strange.

The emotional feel I had for my mother was that of a stranger as if I had never met the person before. The only tether that I had was the knowledge that this is my mother.

Calcination ( Adding heat )

After the anxiety faded away when I assured myself all was good between me and my mother the thoughts came.

I remember there were so many voices in my head, none of which resembled mine. It was there only when I spoke.
The voices were very negative and were constant. They only stopped once I had to rush something, stopping for a minute or two at best.

At first, it was kinda ok and manageable, because I was dissociated from them but after a while when you settle in...... oh man.....

Imagine you get teleported to a room with a lot of people that swear at you and threaten you. At first, you would be staggered by the teleportation experience, but after that when you find yourself stuck with the crowd, now that's when things go wrong.

The thing is that every word I heard was causing a mass amount of anxiety, enough to make you believe that the things were going to happen or are real.
Now when you have to deal with that for months you kinda start believing that this is whats happening.

On the other side, there were some voices that tried to help me and they really did.
They told me what to eat and what to do which eased the hallucinogenic effects I had.

A lot of strange stuff happened when I had the voices, they did eventually fade away once I found out where they were coming from, but I'd rather not go into detail about that.

So after the experience, I had to put a mask on, the mask of my former self so I can fit in as the image my parents had for me, later on finding out that my parents were too bussy to tell me how to live my life to have noticed that I had changed.

The life they had made for me and them was a disaster, so subconsciously they were judging everything for me, so I don't make their mistakes.

The calcination process took quite some time but I managed to get through it. There were some pretty messed up things that happened at this stage, but sadly words cannot describe anything that was experienced at this stage.

This sums up part two. In part three we will be looking at Stage 2/7. Dissolution, where we go into the world of mystical adventure, astral traveling and looking at siddhis, psychic abilities.

You might think that this is some fiction made up, but believe me, it's not.

It is extremely hard for me to talk about my life as it's not a gem to look at, but I had decided a while ago once I have the ability to write about it, I'd share it.

My future plans are to investigate psychosis and start doing research on it.