Chapter 29: Fear, Doubt, and Proper Preparation

"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I ran across this quote on my Facebook feed this morning, from a post I did five years ago. The timing of re-reading this quote is quite divine. As of lately, I have been going through several personal transformations in my work and home life. I am a huge planner. I love to have every part of my life detailed and list tasked. I guess that's the Virgo within me. There are times when I am overwhelmed by the number of things that I have placed on my plate to accomplish. It was as if I was in a race and trying to focus on all areas of my life at once. I was running myself in circles trying to juggle and keep up with everything I was doing.
Now, I am the Queen of Multitasking, however, my tasking skills have taken a step down this year.

After a few hangups earlier this year, I began to relfect and take notice that while I am great at planning, I was lacking proper execution in many of my plans; this is what caused some of the hangups. I was focusing on too many things at once, or moreso I was not prioritising accordingly.

I explained in my previous post that I love the Autum season as it is a reflective time for me; and with it being my birthday around the corner, I am in a more restropective disposition. This will be my last year in my twenties and I have come to take audit of all that I have learned, gathered, and made mistakes on. One that I can say that stood out to me in my reflection was my "need" to race against time. I pressured myself to feel that I had to have certain events take place in my life on a very strict timeline; and I even associated my "success" or "failures" from what was accomplished along the way. That also played a role on how I preceieved myself.
While I am pleased with my accomplishments, I am displeased with them as well. I gained much of what I set out for, however, I notice that I lost time in taking time to cultivate or enjoy each process of my journey. I have operated as if there was always something to be done or strived for, thus I did not relax or just be in the moment, whether it was an accomplishment gained or a lesson to learn from. I was by passing life trying to get to the next part, then the next part, to the next part

Photo Credit: Sustainable Human

Since adopting a more mindful approach to life, I have found my self slowing down and focusing on one thing at a time. While I a still a multitasker, I find it more helpful for myself to be more fluid and less rigid in my manifestations. Learning to relquinsh control and just be. I am definately a work in progress, nevertheless, I am enjoying myself more and those around me too. I look forward to slowing down more and taking in all that I am doing, a step at a time. I realize now, that there is no one I am racing against. Life is a marathon, not a race. I believe that the inner work I am doing on myself now is preparing me for my 30 years and beyond. I look forward to growth and enjoying the beauties of life.