I follow you because:

You didn't buy Me.
You didn't trick Me into following you, just because you followed Me.
You swear just enough.
You don't give no fucks.
You smoke.
You say stupid things and act dumb.
You say smart things and act like an asshole.
You need a glass of water.
You do random things that don't make sense.
You actually think your funny.
You produce strange art that scares people.
You killed the Easter bunny when I was four and that's why it doesn't exist anymore.
You were defending yourself.
You can't dance.
You farted.
You don't think, You just do.
You don't like pictures of yourself.
You can still remember falling off of your bike the first time you tried without training wheels.
You quit school, demanded they return your school fees, and bought weed with that money.
You lost count of how many times you nearly died.
You caught two teachers having sex in the gymnasium.
You don't like it when people eat all of the crackers.
I sure could use a beer. I think I will drink yours.
You might die someday.
You miss playing Nintendo.
You wonder what your kids are doing.
You love them.
I don't know where your going with this.
You get distracted easily.
You have a bowl of raw vegetables around here somewhere.
You have done this before.
You have a hard time tolerating sycophants.
I don't know why you did this.