Dr. TLK_ What is Love?
He says "He loves me"! I know he loves me. But I can't do anything about it...!
Have you had such feelings before?
Love is a weird emotion. We all seek it despite knowing how hurtful it can be if we lose it. We all want to receive it from people around us, but we forget to give it to ourselves most of the time.
I never understood what love is. Did you?
I loved few times in my whole life, and every time I used to think "This is it! This is real love."
But each time things don't work, they fall apart for one reason or another. They crumble in front of my eyes no matter how hard I worked to put them together. I try and try to join the person I loved, but life doesn't allow me to. It is as simple as that!
"Why does this have to happen?", "Why cant I be with the person who love me and I love?", "I only want to be with one man, have a family and be happy. I am not asking much. I am not asking for money or power. I am only asking for love. Why is that impossible for me to have?" I scream within
I get hurt, I wreathe in pain and tears. My tiny heart feels like it has been gripped with a mighty hand and squeezed tightly until it is about to explode. But then it doesn't!
Yet the mighty hand doesn't let go of my heart. It keeps squeezing my heart and sending screams to my throat and tears to my eyes, but it doesn't completely kill me and allow me to have some peace.
But then time comes and goes, and the grip slowly lightens and I am almost set free. "Did my heart get stronger?" I wonder, only to find myself in another situation of Unattainable love and I wreathe in agony, yet again!
"My heart did NOT get stronger!" I reckon "I only forgotten!"
"Why did I forget? Wasn't that real love? It felt so real. It felt so powerful. I felt very close to that person. We were like soulmates. How could I forget such feelings? Am I not capable of loving?" I feel disgusted at myself. I feel disgusted at life. I feel tired. There is no wall to rest my back to. I am tired...
I gave up on loving... Apparently, I don't know how to love... My heart is not beating again... Or was it beating or was it skipping when I was in love? I don't remember anymore. Its the only thing I wanted in my life but, ironically, the only thing I seem not able to get or have... Isn't there someone amongst the 6 billion on earth that I can share real love with and live together in harmony and peace?
What is real love anyway?
Aaah, finally my heart started beating again!! Now I know that my heart beats when I am in love. They are peculiar beats though!! They don't have a specific rhythm, they just play different melodies at different times. Mostly happy melodies, but sometimes aching and others are just racing.
But it seems that I am not supposed to fall in love. Again, the person I loved is gone from my life, yet not completely gone. He is here but not here. He wants me but doesn't want me. He wants to see me but doesn't want to see me. He cares about me but he doesn't love me. He wants to be with me but he is convinced we will not be good together.
He told me
"We are not a good match for a relationship!"
I didn't even understand what he meant, neither I knew the reasons. But I accepted his words and I accepted his judgment. I am not about to beg for love and acceptance. These things are either given or not. They can't be forced.
It is painful but I have been through worse before. I lost people who loved me. This shouldn't be as hard. My heart had been squished enough for a life time, or so I thought.
It has been more than a year since....
People come to my life and offer their love, but I don't feel interested. My heart doesn't sing around them. It's either silent or wary. I don't wish to hurt them but I can't force myself to give them love. I would if I could.
Is this the same situation I had but reversed? After ll he also couldn't force himself to love me. I don't blame him, I never blamed him. I guess I can understand his feelings now.
Yet I still find myself wishing for him to come back. I find myself remembering our moments and the way he treated me and looked at me. I find my heart beating again when he comes to my mind or I hear his name. I find myself wondering whether he really doesn't love me!
My heart is not silent anymore. Since it started beating last time it didn't stop. It is not wreathing in pain, it just beats peacefully. Sometimes it feels sad and impatient, and other times it soars with ecstasy and expectations as I catch myself waiting for him to come back....
I wonder "Is this real love? or am I just fooling myself?"
.... Till next post
Dr. The Leaping Koala :D
Thank you very much for following, commenting and upvoting.
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My dear @theleapingkoala
I am writing this comment while I am waiting for my taxi so it's going to be short, forgive me for this!
Love and feelings are intricate :)
I believe that some things are meant to remain just as a silent feeling :) I am more than certain that at some point in your life, you alone will find out the answer to all of your questions and if you feel that this doesn't work, writing about it certainly speeds up the process.
On a happy note, I am going to quote my mom here:
"You've got to kiss a lot of frogs in your life before you realize they're all frogs" 😁
Much love!
Makes sense. Speedy typing!
Ha!
Yes....unfortunately I was waiting for a not so speedy taxi driver.
Thanks dear @szuri. Please no need to apologize for writing a short comment. It was a sufficient waiting time from your part ;)
You are right. I am the only one that can decide the answer to my question.
I love your mom's quote. Hugs to both you and her :D<3<3
Did they arrive slow or drive slow? LOL.
Thanks for this. A singing heart is a happy heart. I'm resteeming and upvoting this. 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 Thanks again for sharing...and don't forget to keep steeming OK?
Hahaha. Thanks for the sweet and kind comment @pjcswart. Love the image. I will not forget to keep steeming with amazing people like you and my other dear readers.
I also appreciate the vote and resteem, it is generous of you to do so. :D
You are welcome. Where are you from?
Originally I am from Saudi Arabia. Now I live in Canada. You?
I've been too busy to read this article of yours until now. I actually wrote quite a lot about love after my divorce. Writing was my way of counselling myself since it made me really think about what I was feeling and what was really going on.
I've come to the conclusion that love is like a living plant; there is the beautiful flower above the soil that you can see and the roots are below the soil where you can't see them. The beautiful flower is the superficial side of love... that part that was likely the attraction in the first place like looks or making you laugh. The roots are the foundation of love... the part that endures even after we age and the good looks are gone or the lively spirit has been worn down.
But that's not all... like any living thing, love must constantly be nurtured or it withers and dies. Like watering your plant, you must keep on giving of yourself in order to keep the love alive. Your partner needs to do likewise. When familiarity moves in and the excitement of discovering each other is over, that's when you really find out if you love each other. Everyone has their own quirks, so its not easy to find someone who will tolerate your quirks while you can also tolerate theirs.
I can go on and talk about the Love Triangle if you are interested. It is something I came up with from the idea of the Fire Triangle.
Hi @happyme,
Thank you very much for the comment and the beautiful analogy. Indeed, I would love to hear your idea about Love Triangle and I look forward to your reply :)
Copied directly from my old blog:
The 3 components could be something like: Trust, loyalty and respect. If one or more of those 3 key components is missing, then the love dies. Each of us needs to determine our own mandatory components. Someone may choose to include admiration, or religion, or industriousness, for example. It could take much effort or very little for an individual to determine what the 3 major requirements are for them, but I think it is worth discovering so that logic is injected into considering if a future partner is in fact suitable for you or not.
This is indeed very interesting observation @happyme and I agree with it very much. Thank you very much for sharing it :D
You are most welcome.
I have been trying since yesterday to thank you for your share of your #8 distribution, but have had a heck of a time with it. Seems Steem has been down for many hours.
I also wanted to remind you about my own giveaway and let you know that this week will have a large pay-out but requires a bit more effort to participate. I believe the reward will easily match the effort.
You are very welcome and thank you for the heads up too :)
A very sad post, babes.
Don't worry about finding it too much. Be happy in your life, and if it happens - brilliant, and if not - you are still happy.
Love is elusive, and doesn't play by anybody's rules.
Thank you very much for the sweet words @lucylin.
Glad you are doing well.
Easier said than done; be patient, my friend
Thank you for the support and kind words @mike.rod :)
Nice questioning story @theleapingkoala it will go round and round many times in life. Present itself in different forms, but it is always there in one way or another.
Indeed. Thank you for the visit, comment and upvote my dear @joanstewart :)
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