Dr. The Leaping Koala_my journey in life # 5_ The path to a better relationship: Part 1

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So, I am veering off from my personal story to write something more general for now. I will be talking about relationships in this post

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There is and there will be always someone talking about relationships... How to avoid a bad one. How to save a good one. How to get out of a toxic one. How to achieve the best one and so on and so fourth.

I have seen many relationships in my life time, few were amazingly inspiring but the majority were dysfunctional and downright wrong and abusive. But I am not trying to paint a dark picture about relationships here. To the contrary, I would like to believe and that having a good and lasting relationship with one person is not impossible.

It is very logical that no two people in the world can be matched in everything 100%, and if they do, one of them is probably pretending to be something they are not to stay in the relationship. Else they will probably be bored to death with each other. Actually, I will go as far as to say that differences are required in any relationship to make it a bit more challenging (Just a bit of adrenaline now and then) and rewarding (as each will be learning different things from the other)

I keep asking myself what is the magical ingredient to have a good, lasting relationship? and how to get there?
There is no shortage in the does and don'ts that we can get from reading books, the Internet, our friends and families and from our experiences.
From what I have seen in many relationships, by now I am probably an expert at what transforms a relationship into a disaster... I hope you are not too scared to continue reading ;D

Despite that the info I have is in the negative side, by using some logic, I would easily say that doing the exact opposite of what makes a relationship a disaster, will actually make the relationship work better. Something like 1+1=2 then 2=1+1

Although I don't think it is that straight forward, since 1.5+0.5=2 as well. It doesn't hurt to put this knowledge out and ponder on it. Maybe try implementing a couple of points or more into your relationship, and see how it goes. If the intention is good and the action is positive, then there shouldn't be any harmful outcome.

In any case, let me know what works for you and what doesn't. This way, we all learn from each other's experiences.

Please keep in mind that the points mentioned are equal in importance and do not follow any form of hierarchy

So, What is the path to a better relationship: Part 1

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1- Appreciating each others gestures (big and small)
.....Many relationship experts say that men generally tend to do big gestures to show their affection (like buying that expensive ring you have been dreaming of for a while), while women tend to do small things (like writing I love you note and stick it on the fridge for him to see every morning). Nowadays, this is no longer the case. Both men and women are more in touch with their opposite side (maybe even too much), that they don't pay attention to what is being done for them.
When we have expectations about the way we want to be treated or the way we want to be loved, it takes away from us the pleasure of enjoying our partner's gestures and it takes away from them their natural/organic way of expressing themselves.
If the two partners care about each other, changes in the ways they express themselves to better please the other will naturally happen without being forced. However, rejecting their efforts from the beginning will only discourage them to make further efforts and if they do, they will not be able to express themselves fully since they have to adopt a new habit in the speed of light without any preparation or training.

** The negative side of the above point: Be an insensitive prick (man or woman) and live in your unrealistic expectations

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2- Keep doing nice things to each other (big and small)
.....As we grow in the same relationship we start getting used to each other's existence and habits to the point where we start taking it for granted. Every morning we wake up and every night we sleep we see the same person. They probably have the habit of making breakfast or cleaning the dishes or picking up the kids...etc. This is a great way of learning to co-exist together in a relationship and there is nothing wrong in keeping up these habits that are making life easier for both partners.
However, sometimes a little bit of change could go a long way to chase away the boredom and to bring fresh gratitude to the hearts.
For example, if he is used to clean the dishes and you cook, how about you both cook and help him clean the dishes for once? And if she is used to preparing the kids and you make breakfast, how about you help her with the kids after making the breakfast quickly (or ask her to help you after you help her).
These are just examples, but the point is to break the routine of the past 10 years (preferably you break it in shorter intervals) to give her/his heart a fresh jolt of appreciation and love.

** The negative side of the above point: Keep doing the same old thing over and over again until your brains gets fried from boredom and your relationship too

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3- Don't brush issues under the rug (big or small)
..... Many people are scared of confrontation and I don't blame them. As the word, confrontation, implies that something negative and challenging is going to happen and that the results will always be tossing guilt and blame around. No wonder men are afraid when their girlfriends/wives say (We need to talk)

Actually a man I dated told me that men find this phrase as the most scary thing to be said in a relationship. Because it mainly implies fights or breakups.

Honestly, I was surprised when I heard that because I didn't think of it that way, until I remembered how anxious I become every time my mom tells me "I need to talk to you/ tell you something". How I hated that phrase too. Urgh

So, confrontation is bad and a No No. talking and communicating is good and yes yes. The secret here is to talk regularly to understand each other and build an easier way of communication that is not related to negative feelings or experiences. Because if we keep postponing these chats until something big happens, by then a lot of resentment would have built up and we will not be able to stay clear-headed and unbiased when we start discussing things.
If you do postpone, what do you think that would end up becoming?
Confrontation! Surprise.. Surprise!

** The negative side of the above point: Brush the issues under the rug until there is no space under the rug to brush anymore, then Enjoy the results

To be continued...
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I hope you will enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. Many thanks for reading, commenting and upvoting

Dr. The leaping koala :)

P.S: Thanks to @scrooger for the divider :)