Please be a joke

This weekend was so refreshing but I have been crying all morning.

I was inspired and motivated to spend any minute I could preparing for my 365 day spoonie edition blog challenge.

I created a backlog file of ideas and partial blog entries so I can have something to dip into on bad days. I listened to Paula Abdul interviews as she tries to explain to the media what RSD is. (RSD is the former name of CRPS, but some still refer to it as RSD). I went through my files of information on CRPS from Helen and Dr Pollett before he retired. I wanted to find relevant, helpful and inspiring materials to write about for the next year starting April 1st.

I cleaned, cooked, hung out with my step daughters. I listened to music and visited with my sister, her kids and our mom Saturday night. Sunday morning, my aunt and cousin picked me and Mom up to go to Nanny and Poppy's for a much needed visit.

It was a good weekend, filled with positive vibrations.

Yesterday afternoon, my calf started tingling and it felt like muscles were spasming a little bit.

Now, let me back track for a minute.

I was diagnosed with CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) in my right arm in February 2017. In September 2018, after a long list of trials and errors with treatments, I had very limited range of motion in my neck. Without a pain specialist, I pushed through and got it moving again. Now my hair feels like it is cutting it, the sensations inside are intolerable most days, but I can move it. My un doctored self makes me believe I'm fine and CRPS wouldn't spread to just half of my neck. It's not swollen either. It just has a mind of its own after all of that treatment. But my feet, both of them but not both at the same time, go tingly all of the time. Pins and needles, sometimes a little stabby, my shins and behind shins can both often feel sensitive too. Sometimes I have to sit in the shower because I can't stand anymore, but I blame the shower struggle. Neither of my feet have swollen before unless it was extremely hot out. In the heat, my right foot would swell a bit but it wasn't as sensitive to life like my arm.

Back to last night.

My calf was tingling and muscles started spasming in my right leg. So I drink a few glasses of water to hydrate my body, which didn't help.

The pain was getting intense and I could feel a lot of pressure building in my right leg. I started doing my breathing exercises, tried to do a body scan but it starts with the toes and I am NOT used to controlling pain in my leg in addition to my CRPS arm and non CRPS but brain of its own neck. Plus the rest of my body is sore from the pinched nerve, herniated discs, scoliosis and Fibromyalgia.

My brain is a full on warrior 24/7, but it wasn't ready for anything new to jump on board.

I took a shower to help relax my mind a little but that was a stupid idea. I had to sit in the shower again because my feet couldn't touch the ground. It felt like I was getting blisters on the bottom of my feet. Both of them.

But that right leg of mine. From the knee down...

It's a swollen, sensitive, clammy and useless mess like my effing arm.

I'm not quite sure how to handle this yet, like I mentioned, so I have been a sobbing mess since last night.

I can't walk on it. I can't even wear my fuzzy socks because there's a tiny elastic in the top apparently and it's too much pressure on my now stupid leg.

It has been such a frustrating morning that even things that should work, won't. I'm trying to send a picture from my phone to my tablet so I can upload it and include it in this post. But all 7 emails disappeared and my Bluetooth won't work.

I can't keep stressing and dwelling about this situation, I just needed to document it and release these thoughts.

I am stuck to my bed for the morning, but will be up doing exercises (what I can), as soon as I can. I am writing this post and will try to create an Instagram entry for today if my mind allows another creation. I am trying to stay productive in a manner I can, while being ok with what I cannot do. Or trying to be ok with what I cannot do.

Just breathe.

If anyone reading this has had their CRPS spread, let me know. I'd love some advice on how to 'get a grip' on this new situation, I'm doing my best but I must admit, I am quite nervous of these new symptoms.

Try to make today a good day with positive thinking, everything happens for a reason.

Positive thoughts,

-Kristen Sparkle