Who's ready for a relationship paradigm shift? From Soul Mates to WHOLE mates

We yearn for love when we are unable to give it to ourselves. Loneliness is our own heart's yearning for own abiding attention. When we are able to love ourselves un-conditionally and realize that WE ARE the ONLY ones able to love us in the exact way we deserve, only then can we love and serve others in the same way. This is what is referred to as "awakening the inner beloved."

When we see other people "in love" and feel yearning for that kind of love...we are not needing another person, so much as we are feeling our worthiness of unconditional love. This means radical self-love!!!! No more shaming...suppressing...or abusing the fractured parts of us. Instead we invite these feelings into the safety of our loving presence as equal counterparts of the Divine.

The media and our culture has taught us that love is outside of us. And it is something to "get" or "have". If that's the kind of love you want, then you will always find yourself lonely...even in a relationship.

When we place conditions upon how we go out and get love, or upon what another person must do in order to deserve our love...the kind of "love" that we get in return, will always be conditional.

So, whether we are single...or in a relationship...it will always benefit us to love whatever arises within our own hearts....to say to ourselves the loving phrases that we wish others would say to us...to hold compassionate presence with our shadow or disowned aspects of our personality without judgement. This process prepares us for a partnership that is forged in Divine love and wholeness.

Desiring a mate/relationship/marriage with someone outside of us is a part of our cultural programming. Somehow...someone OUT THERE is going to save us from our sadness.
However, we a mistaken in that we are the ines we have been waiting for. No one else is coming to save you from yourself. The marriage within is what must occur first, and a conscious partnership may be used as a medium to facilitate our this matrimony within.

We must commit to serving ourselves first before we will be completely satisfied with another person. The cool part of this work is that as you commit to yourself and take your own hand in holy matrimony...your significant others will either reflect that commitment to you...or they will realize they are no longer needed and they will go away. If you are single, you will attract others who have done similar work to awaken their own inner beloved. This is the birth process of a sacred union.

The "sacred union" is a bond between two people that serves as a sacrament and a portal to the Divine. Through lovemaking, forgiveness, and integration...a partnership becomes a way to raise the frequency of each individual and ultimately raise the frequency of all beings. Sacred union is not about getting love from each other. It's about being in service without condition and surrendering as love. This is different from the mainstream concept of marriage.

What is the purpose of a sacred union and how can we use this experience as a tool for self-transformation?

Soul mates (in the form of children, lovers, best friends, plant allies, pets and spirit animals) come into our lives to bring our subconscious programming to the surface. And what comes up more often than not is abandonment, fear, anger, and grief. These are the emotional signatures that can be traced back to our earliest experiences of so-called "love". One purpose of this "sacred union"...typically masked by confusion, emotional pain, and frustration... is to cause outdated mental concepts about love to rise to the surface to be cleared...in order to find a deeper meaning of love. This can be extremely painful. It might feel as though ones wounds are being "picked at". And they are. However, we must shift our perception to allowing our partner to open these wounds as doorways to our deepest gifts, our truest self, our innocence (inner-sense). The soul-mate serves as our clearest reflection, so that these experiences can be resurfaced, loved, and integrated...on our pathway to wholeness.

Image credit goes to Sheila McGraw

Keep in mind...a sacred union can be extremely powerful between two spiritually awakened individuals...but it is not a requirement for both parties to be conscious. As long as one person is listening to the call to self-love and doing their part to accept responsibility without blaming their partner, the contribution is just as potent to the collective awakening of all beings.

This is how we go into the laboratory of our own hearts and become integration alchemists who shift an old dying paradigm of love into one that is channeled from Source...for all of humanity!!!

Let's look at these outdated views of love. What are the qualities?

Somehow we learned that love was...

Conditional
Outside of us
Something to have/get/earn
A promise
A contract
A commitment to words
A search
Possession or ownership
Exclusivity or separateness
Setting boundaries
Stating vows
A happily ever after Cinderella story

Can you look back at your childhood and early adulthood and identify all of those things that influenced your views on love? Music, movies, adults, books, magazines, commercials, church. What messages were you given?

Now, back to soul-mates, sacred unions and uncovering the truth about love.

Earlier I mentioned that the soulmate is the clearest reflection of ourselves. Not only are they precisely reflecting our shadow side, but they are also reflecting our innocence and unconditional love. They can reflect and magnify every aspect of us. They humble us with their wisdom, tenderness, and expansiveness. They show us our inner soulmate...they awaken our inner beloved. This is why we are drawn to them like a moth to a flame.

Despite the uncomfortable emotions that arise both partners in a sacred union can come together in cycles for bonding, confession, forgiveness, and lovemaking. These rituals cement higher levels of consciousness into the energy fields of both partners. These outdated beliefs about love, marriage, romance, and commitment are meant to be questioned, dissolved, and replaced with a more expansive view of love. One that transcends any boundaries and limitations. This is the ultimate purpose of the sacred union. To remind us of what true love is.

So what is love, without marriage, romance, ownership, or sex? The following is what my sacred unions have taught me...

Love is...
Unconditional
Infinite
Forgiving
A given
Within us
Commitment to truth and wholeness
A recognition
Allowing
Freedom to experience and explore
Compassion
Commitment to the well-being of the self and another
All inclusive
Flowing like water
Not to be contained
Welcoming every life as light

Through my relationships I have often been reminded of the lords prayer...

Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

With this new awareness of true love...I am able to see that our "daily bread" is a metaphor. Our daily bread is the form of nourishment we receive through consciously navigating our interpersonal relationships. But that nourishment can only be accessed through the deprogramming of the illusion of love as something that is outside of you. Yes it is something that can be received...but you must bring it to the table for it to be reflected to you by another.

So how does this all relate to self-mastery and sharing our gifts with the world?

Our wounds are doorways to our sacred gifts. Whatever heals our wounds, through rupture and repair, becomes our unique way of refracting the light to guide each other home. The ones who show us our wounds, are the messengers...the "mess-enders" and transformers.

When we allow ourselves to be humbled by this expansive view of our spiritual journey we can confidently harness our powerful presents. When we are able to thank our mess-enders...we move into authentic forgiveness...through humility and appreciation for the our significant others. This is the path of the alchemist enrolled in the school of life.

From the mystical heart images of Paul Kaym

Every interaction with our soulmate becomes an opportunity to evolve, develop our skills, and return to wholeness. This is where the soul-mate becomes the whole-mate...this exquisite process is the alchemy of the heart. Everything the universe places in front of us is part of our initiation process...and our whole-mate relationship becomes a laboratory for holy experimentation.

What good is a spiritual practice if the student never learns to master the energies unfolding within them and right before them...within the context of their life experience. This is on-the-job training in self-mastery. The cultivation of unconditional love with our partner is the fuel that inspires our deepest purpose and most authentic gifts of self...that we ultimately came here to share with the world.

Congratulations for getting this far!

Aloha, Hallelujah and Amen,

Pachee
The inner healer