Smelling The Flowers 🌺🌷🌹💐 (Cancer Update)
It's been a month and a couple of days
since I placed the posting stop & smell the flowers. So now, I have over a month and about 9 days on Steemit. It's been an interesting experience to say the least.
(Picture taken by myself @sunnyego)
If you read my posting last month you'd
know that I have been recovering from chemotherapy as I was diagnosed with cancer in October of last year. It's been a really eye-opening experience and something that I could not wish on anyone. I went from having blood lab work twice a week, (when I wasn't doing chemo) to now doing blood work once every 8 weeks. As much as people try to tell you, including nurses, that you appear to get accustomed to getting poked by needles, you never do. That fact is that you just learn to show less emotion in everything.
The biggest change to appreciating life
has been my perspective now. I take everyday as it comes. My appearance is changing and my hair is back to growing. Chemotherapy had completely made all my hair fall off. When I mean all, I mean everything from head to toes. I have been shaving now every couple of days for the last two weeks or so. It's interesting because I had not shaved since about mid-November of last year.
Here's a picture showing the before (top picture taken April 27th) and after (bottom picture taken May 30th).
(Pictures taken by myself @sunnyego)
As you can see, the changes are pretty
significant. Along with my hair growing, so has my confidence. I no longer hide in the room where I'm staying, I socialize with my Family that has been supporting me. My sense of humor has been replenished and I often spend a lot of time laughing with my siblings and have a good time enjoying each other's company. It's been a real blessing.
I've learned to be more of a pacemaker
around the interpersonal relationships that surround me and intertwine around me. I use to stay out of family affairs or choose sides when drama was present, & know I choose to lead as being short of a neutral peacemaker. The fact is that I don't want to see negative energy ruin good relationships and that I've learned that through compassion and apathy anything is possible.
(Picture by me @sunnyego)
I still haven't seen a lot of my friends and
I hope that changes soon. When I was diagnosed, I basically dropped everything and moved with family. I stopped socializing with friends and even after I told them about my diagnoses, I didn't want to see them because I didn't feel well enough to see them. I looked extremely sick, unhealthy, and I didn't want anyone's pity. I also didn't want them to see me if I didn't survive chemotherapy as my cancer was considered very aggressive.
I hope to see them soon as they tried to be supportive and I kept pushing them away.
I feel so much better now and look
forward each day. Before, I just tried to manage each day. Sometimes, my blood levels were so low and I felt so sick that I made sure not to lock my door in case I died in my sleep. This way, my body would be found easier. I can't believe I thought that way, but I felt it was essential as I even kept things that my oncologist told me to myself: in order to prevent more stress and worrying my family even more.
(Picture taken my be @sunnyego)
I've learned I'll never be the same again
and I'm okay with that. Things will never be the same. I will never feel as healthy as I did before, but I'll manage and maybe pretend as if I do. This is all a learning experience, as is life, and everything that I've read about recovery says that one must be ready to accept and adopt what will be a new normal.
And finally, I still have a mediport
installed on my chest that still feels foreign as much as I want to get accustomed to it. A mediport is a medical device installed on your chest, that has tubes that go up by your neck and just right next to your heart, it is used to administer the chemotherapy.
(Picture by me @sunnyego)
My oncologist says I'll have it for over a year or so, in case my cancer comes back. This is just to be cautionary and not have to remove and then install it over again. I was going to put a picture of it, but I didn't want to gross you out. Let me just say that it really isn't that noticable, but you can slightly see a tube on my neck from it and two small bumps are on my chest from it. I also have a gnarly scar that has been healing. The oncologist says that I have to get the lines rinsed in with saline every few months so that the tubes don't get clogged.
I will be getting PT scans every few months to make sure that my cancer has not returned. My last PT scan was in February and it didn't show anything or any abnormalities. I should be getting a call soon for my next one.
I've learned so much to appreciate the small things. The little things like smelling the flowers, sharing a moment with someone you care about, and learning to adapt to change even if you have to take it in small steps. Big goals can be achieved in small steps and learn to appreciate the hard work that it takes you to achieve whatever you desire.
Thank you for your time