RE: I'm Genuinely Curious--What Do Men Actually Expect When They Catcall a Woman?
A great explanation, and very thoughtful and insightful. And, you're right. Women DO want attention. For me and most of the women I know, though, receiving attention from strangers on the street is a little bit threatening. We don't know these people at all, even a little, so we don't know if they're dangerous if they're going to start following us, if they're going to become violent if we don't give them an acknowledgement.
Up until the time I got married, I dressed to get attention from men, but I wanted attention from men I KNEW. Men who were part of my social group somehow, even in a peripheral way, who I encountered on a personal basis every now and then. They weren't total strangers. Because I knew who they were, I felt safe trying to get their attention in whatever scantily dressed way I could. :)
Even since I've been married, I've been known to dress up to gain attention in certain situations, though these are times when I just want certain men to look at me and appreciate what they see from afar, not actually come up and talk to me....because I'm usually with my husband at these times.
I think it's the "stranger danger" thing that makes most of the women I know, including me, get freaked out when we get catcalled by men we don't know. And, there ARE guys who can become violent if you don't acknowledge them. I've read enough articles about this happening recently that it made me ponder the whole catcalling thing and write this article.
This is a good conversation. I'm glad we're having it.
I get the stranger danger idea, but I'm still trying to figure out why catcalling triggers it. An attractive woman will be noticed by many strangers whether they catcall or not. Are catcalling strangers more aggressive or dangerous than others? I'm not aware of anything that supports that conclusion. If they are not, then isn't catcalling as harmless as any other mating call or expression of appreciation?
Or is it just that the catcall keeps the woman from pretending to herself that nobody is looking? She feels safe so long as she is willfully blind to her admirers, but perhaps the catcall disturbs her willful blindness. If so, does that make it somehow improper? And would every (or most) women feel the same way?
Yes, good conversation. Thanks for raising the issue.
I think most of us DO know we're being looked at, and possibly admired (if we're looking particularly good that day and know it), but the catcaller DOES break into the woman's willful ignorance of this attention. Unless we're deliberately trying to draw it, most of us like to at least pretend we're not being noticed. That's why a catcall can seem aggressive and trigger the "stranger danger" response. There's a guy who is pointing out, in a very public and loud way, that you got his attention. It's like walking through a pack of lions, hoping one of them doesn't notice you, and then one looks up and growls. It can be unnerving.
I can see it from both the male and female sides, and I know most catcallers don't become violent. But, it still triggers that "run away" response in most women, unless they are deliberately trying to attract such attention.
Oh, and then there are the guys who catcall little girls, as I mentioned in the post. I started getting catcalled when I was only about eight years old, as did most of my girlfriends. Why would a grown man catcall a kid?
A good conversation to have, indeed. Let's bring the two sides together and have a deeper understanding of the issue.