RE: I'm Genuinely Curious--What Do Men Actually Expect When They Catcall a Woman?
Interesting write up. Well done.
Personally, I can't think of an instance where I have ever catcalled a woman. Believe it or not, I'm too shy for that.
Having said that, I'm trying my best to understand what the big deal is. I'm mean, let's consider a few alternatives.
Any hope that an attractive woman can or should be able to walk down the street and not be visually admired (by men and women alike) is unrealistic. Men in particular are hardwired to notice, hardwired for instant attraction. To expect men not to notice is to expect men to defy biology and evolution. It's not going to happen. Ever. Not even if you put women in burkas (then men will just fixate on the ankle peeking out below or the stray hair that escapes its bondage). In short, deep in their bellies and at an unconscious level, men want to GIVE attention to the lovely and express their appreciation for it.
And further, the vast majority of attractive women want to be noticed. They want it not just a little, but alot. They often go to great lengths to get noticed. Why? Again, biology and evolultion. In short, deep in their bellies and at an unconscious level, women want the attention of males. Even women who have a mate still crave the attention of other males.
Given the above, what "should" happen in an "ideal" world? Should men adapt? Should they use their willpower to just ignore women? If so, then how would an attractive women feel if she were completely and regularly overlooked? And how would men feel if they were forced never to voice their appreciation?
Or, perhaps it is women who should adapt to men? Perhaps women should dress in burkas so as not to willingly draw any attention to their loveliness? Well, we already know that this approach doesn't work. Incidence of rape and sexual abuse if far, far greater in countries where female expressions of sexuality are repressed.
It seems to me that there should be some way for men to express their appreciation and admiration, even to stranger women, and for women to receive that admiration in ways that don't threaten them. Among the available options, an appreciative whistle seems pretty harmless and effective. Men get to appreciate, and women get to be appreciated, usually from a distance.
Would women be safer if men were to bite their tongues? I don't think so. Women would just feel unacknowledged. I don't think there is a shred of evidence suggesting that men who catcall are more likely to attack a woman than those who don't, or that a woman who is catcalled is more likely to be attacked than one who isn't. In fact, the opposite might very well be true: By catcalling, attention is drawn to the woman from all quarters. Multiple eyes are directed toward the source of loveliness. Many of those eyes would be far more likely to protect and defend the woman than to participate in attacking her. If anything, catcalls might be protective.
So, why do men catcall? To express interest and appreciation. How else would you suppose they do so? Why do they need to express interest and appreciation? Evolution. Why does evolution hard wire men for this need? Because for reason's I've explained at great length in other posts, the sex with the most plentiful sexual output (which is usually the male of every species, but not always) ALWAYS pursues the sex with the least plentiful sexual output. Said another way, the fertilizer pursues the fertilized, or the sperm pursues the egg.
Given this, men's chances of sexually reproducing and passing a great many of his genes to the next generation are effectively zero unless he pursues--that is, unless he expresses interest and appreciation. His odds may only be 1 in 100 or 1 in 1000, but his odds are 1 and a trillion if he does NOT pursue/express.
And again, among the many ways that men can express their interest, catcalling seems relatively harmless.
My statements above discuss men and women "on average" and in general. There are always exceptions. But averages are meaningful, and studying them can be beneficial.
A great explanation, and very thoughtful and insightful. And, you're right. Women DO want attention. For me and most of the women I know, though, receiving attention from strangers on the street is a little bit threatening. We don't know these people at all, even a little, so we don't know if they're dangerous if they're going to start following us, if they're going to become violent if we don't give them an acknowledgement.
Up until the time I got married, I dressed to get attention from men, but I wanted attention from men I KNEW. Men who were part of my social group somehow, even in a peripheral way, who I encountered on a personal basis every now and then. They weren't total strangers. Because I knew who they were, I felt safe trying to get their attention in whatever scantily dressed way I could. :)
Even since I've been married, I've been known to dress up to gain attention in certain situations, though these are times when I just want certain men to look at me and appreciate what they see from afar, not actually come up and talk to me....because I'm usually with my husband at these times.
I think it's the "stranger danger" thing that makes most of the women I know, including me, get freaked out when we get catcalled by men we don't know. And, there ARE guys who can become violent if you don't acknowledge them. I've read enough articles about this happening recently that it made me ponder the whole catcalling thing and write this article.
This is a good conversation. I'm glad we're having it.
I get the stranger danger idea, but I'm still trying to figure out why catcalling triggers it. An attractive woman will be noticed by many strangers whether they catcall or not. Are catcalling strangers more aggressive or dangerous than others? I'm not aware of anything that supports that conclusion. If they are not, then isn't catcalling as harmless as any other mating call or expression of appreciation?
Or is it just that the catcall keeps the woman from pretending to herself that nobody is looking? She feels safe so long as she is willfully blind to her admirers, but perhaps the catcall disturbs her willful blindness. If so, does that make it somehow improper? And would every (or most) women feel the same way?
Yes, good conversation. Thanks for raising the issue.
I think most of us DO know we're being looked at, and possibly admired (if we're looking particularly good that day and know it), but the catcaller DOES break into the woman's willful ignorance of this attention. Unless we're deliberately trying to draw it, most of us like to at least pretend we're not being noticed. That's why a catcall can seem aggressive and trigger the "stranger danger" response. There's a guy who is pointing out, in a very public and loud way, that you got his attention. It's like walking through a pack of lions, hoping one of them doesn't notice you, and then one looks up and growls. It can be unnerving.
I can see it from both the male and female sides, and I know most catcallers don't become violent. But, it still triggers that "run away" response in most women, unless they are deliberately trying to attract such attention.
Oh, and then there are the guys who catcall little girls, as I mentioned in the post. I started getting catcalled when I was only about eight years old, as did most of my girlfriends. Why would a grown man catcall a kid?
A good conversation to have, indeed. Let's bring the two sides together and have a deeper understanding of the issue.