Another tough break in life. This one better be the last!

As some may know, this year has been pretty rough for me. Steemit has helped me work through a lot of this by writing some personal posts, while also focusing on jokes and drumming to keep my spirits up.

I'm writing this here to get my thoughts out for my own "therapy".

For those who don't know:

1. My Dad died of brain cancer in February, but not before becoming very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, essentially disowning me as a son. It stemmed from his own childhood issues, but I never got an apology and will never have proper resolution. The worst part was that radiation damage caused him (we hope) to forget the terrible things he said to me, which made closure impossible. This post talking about how Steemit helped me then is a good read.
2. Last month, my Mom was crushed while driving in her car when a massive tree fell directly through her windshield during a tornado, hitting her in the face and chest, surviving only through some form of supernatural miracle. She spent almost 3 high-pressure weeks in the intensive care unit with high-risk injuries and a blood infection, with me managing a good portion of her care/communication. She's now in a rehab center and doing great with a month or so before she can amazingly go home in her neck/back brace to make a full recovery. It doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to.
3. And now... just when I thought life could get back to normal, I just found out on Sunday that my cat has advanced intestinal cancer that's spread, and a fading heart. As if that wasn't bad, the stress from the vet visit seems to have caused a blood clot preventing blood flow to his rear legs, so he can no longer use them. This is a code red issue. The vet told me he has 24-48 hours, but I should consider putting him down sooner to play it safe. I have no idea what I did to deserve this one.

Spike has helped me so much when times got tough. Living alone never felt that way because he was always there. I grew up with a lot of animals, so they've always been important to me. No, I'm not a crazy cat lady guy. Like for many, animals are simply an important piece of my life. Spike is especially meaningful because I raised him since a small kitten and he's been with me through all of the thick and thin I've been through. Sure, he was a pain in the ass sometimes, and liked using his claws, but...

While Spike doesn't seem to be in obvious pain now, he's not in good shape. Recent experience helping with my Dad's home hospice has prepared me to know what winding down looks and feels like. Regardless, it's hard to watch him helpless and sad, while being forced to keep anticipating the end. I've never gone through this by myself, so facing it alone while I was just resurfacing from the other major life challenges really SUCKS.

What gets to me the most is missing his cancer all along. While I was naively happy that our family no longer had cancer to worry about, my cat had it right under my nose, potentially for months. Given the nature of what he has, catching it early really wouldn't have changed his prognosis, but I feel like I let him down to be so distracted with other things. Was I that blind? I thought some of the signs were from normal aging or just his quirks. He was always happy, hungry, drank water, and active until just a few days ago. Damn...

I guess bad things really do happen in threes, but I think I can now say that I've checked those boxes to be done with them.

Anyway, I needed to do something to keep busy while he lays in my lap now, seeking comfort in the way he's given it to me over time. Even though he's fading, he still perks up for his freeze-dried chicken treats. He can have as many as he wants now. It's the least I can do.

I never took a million pictures or videos of him, or made his own Instagram page. I just enjoyed his company and treated him well. I hate knowing that his life will be cut short by cancer, but there's nothing I can do now. The only bright sides are that I could be with him now, and my clothes will be cat-hair-free for the first time in about 13 years.

Here he is a little while back before he got sick, enjoying himself per usual in one of my shipping boxes.

Again, I wish there was something I could do to fix this or that I had more time. Reality says otherwise. I'm done with losing stuff. Let's hope that life can only get better from here.

Thanks for reading.

RIP Spike 6/13/18 :(