Attachment Isn’t Love – It’s Fear
Ram Dass — 'A feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there's work to be done.'
Do we love with a love that qualifies as real love? If love stems from a place of possession, is it love? Are we in love with true love - or with the romanticized idea of love? It is natural as human beings to long for security. For protection. For comfort. We want love to be a safe place - perhaps a place where we can simply be. Yet the moment we sense that this feeling of security can get taken away from us, we lose our composure. We may act in mysterious ways to get back what we fear we may be losing.
We may cling to love deeper, as an attempt to make sure that it does not go away without us. We claim we are in love . Yet for love to be love, love and the object of love should be independent of one another. When love depends on conditions - be them internal or external ones, can we really claim it is love? Do we remain in love with the object of our desire once they no longer love us back?
When someone’s idea of a happy life no longer includes us, most of us could agree to follow one of these two options: either to try to convince the person we love that they are making a huge mistake or either completely let go of them and take back this heart of ours we’ve handed them with complete trust they wouldn’t one day shatter it . Self-interest seems to be the little devil always present in the decisions we make. He may be disguised as mister selfless at times, but the truth is that it takes a lot to operate constantly from a place of utter non attachment.
We cling onto everything we hold, whether that’d be our lives, beliefs, labels, hopes, dreams, people, bank accounts, you name it. We don’t want these very things taken away from us as we’ve internalized them as part of our identity. The moment we lose grip on the person we love - our whole love narrative changes. In an instant, love can turn into hate. All it takes is a nanosecond of fear for the mask of conditional love to start to slip.
Our love isn’t given freely. Our love is given with the non-disclosed intent that is has to be reciprocated. You think we, busy little humans who take pride in our busyness, have time to waste? No thank you. If you don’t love me no more, I will go somewhere else find perhaps someone who will give me what you were no longer able to provide me with. Do you see the keyword here? “Give.” We give to receive. We give clinging to outcomes. We give in the hopes that our giving makes us feel good about ourselves. How could we give such a precious part of ourselves (the human heart) without wanting it to be worth the while?
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"Yet for love to be love, love and the object of love should be independent of one another."
Were you to read the incredible poem "The Conference of the Birds" by the Persian Sufi mystic Farid ud-din Attar in 1177, would you modify that statement? Who knows.
The journey of the birds takes them through the seven valleys of the quest, love, understanding, independence and detachment, unity, astonishment, and finally poverty and nothingness. In the valley of the quest one undergoes a hundred difficulties and trials. After one has been tested and become free, one learns in the valley of love that love has nothing to do with reason. The valley of understanding teaches that knowledge is temporary, but understanding endures. Overcoming faults and weaknesses brings the seeker closer to the goal. In the valley of independence and detachment one has no desire to possess nor any wish to discover. To cross this difficult valley one must be roused from apathy to renounce inner and outer attachments so that one can become self-sufficient. In the valley of unity the Hoopoe announces that although you may see many beings, in reality there is only one, which is complete in its unity. As long as you are separate, good and evil will arise; but when you lose yourself in the divine essence, they will be transcended by love. When unity is achieved, one forgets all and forgets oneself in the valley of astonishment and bewilderment.
The Hoopoe declares that the last valley of deprivation and death is almost impossible to describe. In the immensity of the divine ocean the pattern of the present world and the future world dissolves. As you realize that the individual self does not really exist, the drop becomes part of the great ocean forever in peace. The analogy of moths seeking the flame is used. Out of thousands of birds only thirty reach the end of the journey. When the light of lights is manifested and they are in peace, they become aware that the Simurgh is
them. They begin a new life in the Simurgh and contemplate the inner world. Simurgh, it turns out, means thirty birds; but if forty or fifty had arrived, it would be the same. By annihilating themselves gloriously in the Simurgh they find themselves in joy, learn the secrets, and receive immortality. So long as you do not realize your nothingness and do not renounce your self-pride, vanity, and self-love, you will not reach the heights of immortality. 'Attar concluded the epilog with the admonition that if you wish to find the ocean of your soul, then die to all your old life and then keep silent.
I dunno. If I had a wifey that I loved I would be bummed to have to leave her to go make her that $ or vice versa. lol
Ram Das made me look up Ram Jam. lol
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