Original Art by @jcaxo83

Ever since I can remember I've had irrational type emotions. Never being able to sleep due to the fear of death. Periods of extreme happiness followed by periods of extreme depression. Ever since I had a memory this is how my life has been. These issues manifested themselves in many ways in my life. Starting with trouble concentrating on school work. I have never had an issue with intelligence. Far from it actually. I have always been thirsty for knowledge and all the information I could obtain.

As I became older I found a simple way to escape the mind I was getting so sick of dealing with. This is when I started getting drunk or high on a regular basis. Only being 10 years old this was kind of an issue for my parents. I constantly slept in school. I couldn't stand the wait until I could get out to change how my brain felt.

As My Life Progressed

Soon enough the smoking and drinking wasn't enough to get out of my head. I started to become immune to the effects. I needed something stronger to switch my brain over. Around the time I was 15 I started doing different random drugs. Things stayed on that track for a while just using drugs more and more until I got into my mid twenties. At this time there were no drugs I wasn't okay with doing. This was the time I started using drugs intravenously. It didn't really matter what in specific. It seemed once going down that road nothing seemed to work the same way for me.

In many ways people could easily blame me for my own issues. Simply calling me a druggie and only looking down upon me as many do with drug users. Hell addicts usually do a lot of things to look down upon so I don't even really blame anyone. Many times I attempted to quit using and find peace in my life. All of the other problems always seemed to come back though and I was never able to get anymore than a month away from using.

I Found My Solution I Call the Trifecta.

So today I follow 3 simple things to keep me positive and clean.

• Spirituality

Spirituality for me is a very simple thing. To others it can be religion, a way of life, or anything that brings you closer to a power greater than yourself. My version of Spirituality is simple putting positive vibes out into the universe and watching them return.

• Fellowship in a 12-Step Program.

Going to a lot of meetings were I can relate with others who have been down my path is one of my essential practices. They are also a place to learn skills and take a look at yourself. This provides you with peace and serenity to overcome the challenges we face everyday as humans.

• Mental Health Care

This is a subject that many have different views on. However I believe in every individuals right to do as they see fit for themselves and what they think is best for them. (As long as it doesn't harm anyone else) So what I do that works for me is see a counselor every month or two. I take some light duty medications that have made my mental illness manageable without the need to self medicate with what I choose to find on the street.

Why I Choose to Blog on These Subjects.

I think there is a group of people who rather just shun the crazies and the addicts away into a dark whole. Most of us a one point have felt the need to hide our issues and be ashamed of them. I found I'm not going to get anywhere in life if I did not choose to love myself. Since this is my story and my life I choose to embrace it and love myself. I am not ashamed of what I love.(me) Hopefully others who may deal with some of these issues who are hiding them will not be afraid to love themselves. I write in hopes to reach out to those people and let them know it is okay to love yourself.

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