Where have all the nice guys gone?

in #life7 years ago (edited)

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Where have all the nice guys gone?

            I’ve been talking with some women friends of

mine about their adventures
in the world of dating
and I can’t help but notice the same pattern. My female friends want to find nice guy’s that treat them well,
yet seem to meet nice guys that don’t give them that spark. Even worse they meet jerks that do give them
a spark but treat them poorly.

     What is really going on here? Do women say they want one

thing but really want another? The real
problem here is not with the women and it’s not really nice guy’s faults either. There seems to be a
communication problem here. Its seems that the way women define nice guys, and the way men define
nice guys are somewhat different.

     Women define these characteristics in nice guys:  Secure,

confident, ambitious, empathetic,
compassionate, passionate, funny, exciting, challenging, and sexy

    For a man being a nice guy means: Buying women things, 

being polite, agreeing with everything
they say, putting women’s needs before their own, letting women make all the decisions. Not being
sexually aggressive. In other word Boring, Needy, Safe, non-sexy.

 I’m not sure where men get this from. Who taught them this? 

The fact is that most men believe
that this is what women want. Could blame Justin Beber songs,
TV shows, movies who knows.
The fact is that many men are on the same page about what it means to be a nice guy and they
are out there revolting women all over the world!

 It all makes sense now. No wonder women can’t find any

nice guy’s. The nice guys are all pretending
to be something else. The nice guy always complains about
how women are always attracted to jerks.
Men who are jerks are not afraid to be themselves. Nice guys
should stop trying to act in a way that
they think women want then to, and start being themselves.
After all this is what women really want
most of all, an authentic man, a man who is comfortable being himself!

Sort:  

thx for sharing

I married a nice guy! lol 14 years we have been together. I was used to being treated badly before him and decided to stay single, but my hubby melted my heart. He was and is still my everything in life, I believe that the right person brings out the best in you, so a nice guy can be an asshole too, but if he's with the right person, he is happy, therefore nice! And my perfect man brings out the best in me, which makes me want to be a loving and nice wife too! Happiness isn't easy, its hard work. People are only perfect when you accept them for who they are and love them no matter what. You can't mould someone into a stereotypical perfect person, everyone is unique in their own way. We all need to find the 'right person' not a 'perfect person'

Love what you said " People are only perfect when you accept them for who they are"

Yes, I think the key word here is "authentic." I've seen this misapprehension as well.

Totally agree with you...

But then on the other hand, it's up to the 2 partners to make each other understand where the relationship should go.

It's easy to put all blame on the other gender if you are 2.

The problem if a man is to "manly" is that women don't like that when man doesn't always agree with her (no matter if she is wrong or not)
And finally she will always go look for an other guy that does agree...

So: men are (from my point of view) just being pushed in a corner with a lot of accusations where actually both have a role to play...
The answer: talk and work on what you want!
Women just jump from guy to guy as if it's a huge sell-out...
That's not normal...!

What do you think?

Nice guys have gone, crushed by unauthentic women!

Being crushed is part of the process. The more rejection , the less you take it personally. It becomes their issue, not yours. Putting rejection behind, men then becom the "Buyer" and no longer the desperate "Salesmen"

In my dating adventures so often men would waste my time doing the nice guy act & while I don't want a jerk, it certainly feels more honest than someone pretending to be nice & then ripping off their mask when they get tired of faking & fronting & realize at some point they have to be themselves for an authentic connection to form.
I gave up. I was tired of being emotionally eviscerated by "nice" guys that had zero ability to take even small rejections after moving too fast without melting down.
You are definitely right that men & women define nice guys differently!

dont give up

Interesting article. I certainly do believe there are plenty of authentic guys around although the majority are not. However I do believe women have this habit of trying to change the authentic guy when he does come around into their life

Ahh thats a tricky one. Some women like to give men a "shit test", to see if he will give up his integrety in order to get her approval.

I can give you the answer, but you're not going to like it one bit, men in general are fed up of women who say they want one thing and the go and bang a completely different person then they wonder why there aren't any men around anymore. Men have fucked off, they've gone for different women who will actually give them the time of day or avoided relationships entirely because it just isn't worth the bother.

The "Women are always attracted to jerks" thing is just the tip of the problem, there is also the frequent scourge of feminism making it impossible for men to approach women even in a public space. I mean it, universities in particular have made life hell for men because a girl can get into a drunken hookup with a guy and rather than going "Oh well that was stupid of me, at least he wasn't a jerk" they can literally turn around and say they were raped or sexually assaulted.

There is also the frequently documented problem of women who refuse to date 'below their station' because there is such a bias against men and towards girls in education male university applicants are at an all time low and the problem has gotten so bad even the hard left news sites like the Guardian are having to admit it is an issue, not that they want it fixed or anything.

So this means that because men aren't attending university, they don't make the same money as women therefore women have less men to pick from. So to put this into English, if you want a decent guy, you're actually going to have to get off your arses and find one.

Women who sit around waiting for their prince charming or CEO boyfriend to just fall into their laps are going to be single and alone well into their 40's and completely barren. Yes this is harsh and I did warn you that you weren't going to like it but this is Steemit and not the safe space hug boxes of reddit and the comment sections of news sites.

To make matters worse as well, men are frequently demonised or shaming in the media and by women generally, sometimes it's not even your typical man hating feminist, sometimes it can be a traditionalist trying to tell men to go and marry someone which is an incredibly irresponsible thing to say given the state a lot of young men are in.

Here are sources for all I've written about.

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/may/12/university-gender-gap-scandal-thinktank-men

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/10/dating-gap-hook-up-culture-female-graduates

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2014/12/04/the-sexodus-part-1-the-men-giving-up-on-women-and-checking-out-of-society/

TLDR: The nice guys have given up and are fed up with women that don't treat them right.

Thank for the reply. The funny thing , is that this does not change " The authentic man" as he can only be himself. Rejection is something he does not take personally, he realizes it the womans issue. The mentality of the "authentic man" is that he is the buyer, not the seller. Does this make any sense? btw The only way to be desensitized to rejection is to encounter it often

I would want to know what I am buying before I drop my stacks of cash. in the end, you will be spending a lot more than you bargain for. it's not worth it

Very well said. It is necessary that everyone advocates the good values ​​around them so that the voice guys that it serves is nothing to be someone else or to use force or even fear to have what they want from the woman if you stay yourself you will find the person that suits you and be authentic and the best thing towards a person that really loves you.

"The nice guys are all pretending to be something else." - totally agree.
This is one of the best insights on men and women. :)
Upvoted, resteemed and followed :) ........ @nehab

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