A bartender writes on being a deliberate man
Now as children we’re taught to always give people second chances and to strive to see the good in every person. Sadly after nearly a decade working in pubs and bars I find it very difficult to see the ‘good’ in the majority of people any more. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying people cannot be kind or considerate nor am I stating that we do not have the capacity to show great love to one another but in some situations there is no ‘good’ but just varying degrees of bad.
A late night bar is not a nice place and all manner of bad things happen at them, such as at the infamous London pub pictured above. Now you may have your local boozer, favourite dive bar or a honky tonk that you frequent but have you ever tried being there without the booze blanket of copious amounts of a mind altering substance? Also if a bar is not a place you’d take your parents or suitable for your children can you really tell yourself it’s a nice place. With that out of the way I’m not telling you not to go out and enjoy yourself. I’m just advocating that you approach being out at a bar and the night time economy realistically. We are selling an experience and a feeling, you loose you inhibitions and for a short while forget your problems. Apart from the financial cost and the serotonin depletion there can be other costs to your imbibing and the internet is awash with horror stories (as is your local newspaper I’m sure).
Now when I was a younger man I idolised gangsters and cowboys. From the Richardson brothers in South London, Jesse James and men such as Lucky Luciano I felt that their way of looking at and living in this world was something to be admired. I watched all the films, read the books and looked on men such as these in the same way other kids had a favourite football player or pop singer to look up to. It was not so much these men’s capacity for violence which intrigued me (although as a bullied fat kid, the idea of not being messed with did appeal). It was the fact that these men always seemed to be in control and that they kept their dignity in a world which seems to do everything to strip us of this last bastion of self respect.
I remember years ago my brother gave me his VHS copy of Kevin Costners Wyatt Earp. Now it’s a hell of film and I would recommend it to any one with a love of cinema and to this day there are several scenes where the dialogue is imprinted upon my mind. It is one scene in particular which was the spark behind my ramblings today though. I watched the film with my brother and I’m one of those annoying people who asks questions throughout a film, or rather I was back in the 90’s as a boy. Well I still remember him telling me to shut up and listen as Wyatt states to Ed Masterston ‘“You are not a deliberate man, Ed. I do not sense that about you.” I did not immediately understand the words spoken nor the message they held. Then a few scenes later Ed is gunned down in Dodge city after replacing Wyatt for being too harsh; I got an inkling that I needed to listen. Wyatt knew that in many situations people just ain’t no good and giving them the benefit of the doubt will most likely get you killed.
I don’t work in Dodge City and the real Wyatt Earp probably never said those words but gunslingers and cinema are part of our modern day folklore and their wisdom of survival shines through. Working in the night time economy I learnt over time to strictly follow these words and now days nobody gets a second chance. I myself am not naturally a deliberate man but I have had to learn to try and be one. Once a punch has been thrown, this isn’t a Victorian novel and peace won’t occur after a handshake. There is no romance in violence or drunkenness. People will do the most outrageous things possible and being a Good Samaritan will invariably get you injured or killed. The Queensbury rules were thrown in the Thames and sunk a long time ago. I’ve seen many fights and the vast majority of them would never have occurred if the people had been in control of three things, their egos, blood alcohol level and their assessment of what actually is reality.
Being a deliberate man or woman will save your life. Yes it may make you come across as serious and at worst a cold person. Assessing a situation and always being aware will keep you alive though, as even a Fool’s luck one day runs out.
Image Credits
PicA)https://.latimesherocomplex.files.wordpress.com
Pic B)https://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive
Pic C) https://www.nationalcrimesyndicate.com
Pic D) http://www.videocollector.co.uk
Pic E) https://i0.wp.com/www.britishboxers.co.uk
Pic/gif F) https://media1.tenor.com
I've spent 30 years in the 'night time economy', to varying degrees, and you get a good understanding of human behavior being immersed in it.
What I've found interesting is that the alcohol/drugged up individual, while out of their heads, is not a 'different person' much, to when they're in a sober state.
They just hide who they are easier, when sober.
They express themselves 'more' when inebriated. (in good ways and bad).
Living the night life certainly gives you a radar for those best to give a wide berth to.
Knuckle draggers cannot be reasoned with.
In vino veritas ...There is truth in the Wine.
One of the oldest and most accurate sayings my friend. And yes certain people just cannot be reasoned with.
Ah the perils of being that kind of non deliberate man. I have saw it myself! I love a good night out but some people just go to far!!
Thank you for the resteem sir and the ‘engage’ tokens (going to have to look up how they work on my day off ).
I used to love a good night out but I think it’s the idea of a night out not the reality I enjoy. I much prefer staying home with a bottle of red or a good dark beer these days.
I’ve resteemed your post as well for what its worth mate 😀
Hehe, cheers, I do appreciate it!
I actually quite like the red wine or dark beer at home myself these days. My experiences of the crazy testosterone driven madness of a Glasgow night out kind of puts me off now I am over the hump of my mid forties.
Once it wasnt so but we do all grow up, well, mostly ;O)
I’ve done a fair few nights in London but never been up as far as Glasgow. Actually I remember horror stories about the Gorbals from an old boy at Church who used to drink whisky with my Father. I doubt I’d survive a night out with yourself in Glasgow if even 5% of his stories were true. I did drink Buckfast one night with a load of squaddies and that ended with me learning sectarian songs and meeting the bases MPs (not to mention the wrecked night club). So yes growing up......
I've never been a fan of the night life. Out here, though, night life can get quite interesting. It is advisable to carry a powerful flashlight and a more powerful pistol due to the wildlife in the woods.
I jest, mostly. But when I lived in town, I never saw the appeal of the barfly life. My first apartment was next door to a middle aged woman who spent every day in the local tavern, and came home very noisily in the wee hours of the morning, often having an argument with whoever accompanied her for the evening. Not at all appealing.
Now if you’re out in the woods I’d say it’s foolish not to go armed at a minimum. Too many people around the world are disappearing and I don’t think they’re simply relaxing in Tír na nÓg (but that’s a whole different post and topic)
In regards to your old neighbour her lifestyle choices are all too common even if one sober realistic glance shows their hollowness. After you get past how unappealing some people’s choices are and how much they annoyingly impose themselves on everyone around them all you’re left with is feeling sorry for them.