Drowning In Self-Pity... And Then There's SteemIt

in life •  last month

I can't help it... every now and then I drown in self-pity and lose all my motivation. But then I come across stories of other Steemiansand and I realize I have little to complain about...

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Losing Perspective

After the high of the first half of 2017, which was completely dominated by the preparations for our wedding and the wedding itself, I sometimes feel like I've used up all my luck. Ever since, life seems to have nothing but obstacles in store for me and although I believe that life doesn't give you things you can't handle, I often get lost in a spiral of negative thoughts and sink into depression.

Next to losing 2 of my beloved cats and the dog - who were like children to me, and of which I still have difficulties coping with the loss, I've had 2 back surgeries in 2018 which have limited my world to the 4 walls of my bedroom.

Apart from the very occasional visit from my friends, my girlfriend - my wife, I should say - is my only social connection. I have no one to blame but myself, because I often don't feel like seeing or talking to others and the longer I put myself into this social isolation, the worse it gets.

It's easy to lose all sense of perspective when your world is as small as that.

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Self-Pity

Earlier this week I heard that a third surgery might be necessary. Once again, I have no one to blame but myself. If I would have been more motivated to do the exercises I was given, maybe the healing process would have been different. But often I feel like it's already too big of a step to get out of bed in the morning,... exercising is the last thing on my mind on those days.

My mind is my own worst enemy, and the vicious circle of negative thoughts I can't seem to escape from causes me to drown in self-pity more often with every day that goes by.

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SteemIt To The Rescue

And then... just when I think everything is pointless, and my life has become worth next to nothing, I come across stories of other people here on SteemIt that make me realize things could be way, way worse and that I'm not in a position to feel like I feel.

In spite of everything, I live a luxury life: I have everything a person could wish for - except for a good back, maybe. And there is still hope that even my back problems might be solved eventually.

So who am I to feel so sorry for myself all the time?

This last week, I came across a couple of stories here on SeemIt that were really the wake-up call I needed so badly, and I'm thankful for the people being brave enough to share their story with the world. Because their courage makes me realize it is about time I pick myself up and get it together again...



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I suffer from depression
And I understand that self-pity is the mother of depression or vice versa.
After many years; I discovered that my metabolism responded to certain foods, causing depression and inflammation.
Especially lumbar and joint.
I get to your page following the blog of @ rmsbodybuilding.
The food that he proposes, is the one that has given me the best result.
When I eat carbohydrates, especially wheat, oats and dairy products, my episodes of depression are horrible.
And in my case, grains like lentils, beans, etc.
They unleash a terrible inflammation in the ganglia and lately my whole body.
I hope your health improves.
"Let food be your medicine"
Hippocrates.

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Interesting... I will surely look into that.

I don't know why but I'm glad you let it all out and I am glad I read this. Life is never fair, I learn it the hard way too. Buuutt... with the best support beside you AKA your wife and SteemIt of course, I think we all can give you the best motivations ever, and you need to put in some effort as well like start getting out of the bed often and do some of the exercise need for the back.

I would definitely cheer for you if you do a video while exercise, that would be fun!! LOL

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Lol... me making a video, I don't see that happen any time soon :0D

I'm usually not that open about what how I feel - not on SteemIt, nor in 'real life', but it felt good to write it down and get it off my chest.

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That a good awareness and glad you took the action of letting it out, would love to hear more from you on your progress soon!

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It feeld like progress is not anywhere in sight. I need to get out of this vicious circle, but although I've been trying very hard for the last two decades, I haven't been very successful :0(

If I only could find professional help from people who don't think I'm a nutcase because I have a different view on things in life, that would be a great help. Unfortunately, the knowledge I have gaghered over the years about life and how it works is completely different from what other people think and belief. I know I'm right about thay stuff but when I try to explain, they look at me like it's all nonsense, while it isn't. They are just too short-sighted to even give it a chance.
If people don't understand the way I think about how life has its ways how on earth will they ever be able to help me?

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Well, I would love to hear your perspective on life itself if you don't mind to share, here or privately is up to you. @roselifecoach and I are going through a different life path as well after we know the knowledge of Human Design System, it's not some mambo jumbo believe. Instead, it's science and spirituality and we have opened our eyes to many things since. Would love to hear yours too!

Also, when you said a vicious circle, we believe everything we started has a seven years circle, so if it's not closed or resolve it will keep repeating the same thing happening, maybe that's what is happening to you?

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I've come across that idea of the 7 year's cycle amazingly often these last months. I'll need to look into the Human Design System. Top of my list for tomorrow, once I've had some much needed sleep

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Have a good rest Mike!

I don't know much about you until recently @simplymike 😯 I thought that your back is not so serious like cancer and you still look so fine with your supportive and friendly comments also actions towards other on steemit.

So.. before you're getting to old to enjoy your life😉 get that surgery and do some exercise, it would be wonderful if you are in good health too.

I learnt to be more grateful for everything I have from the stories on steemit too.

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So.. before you're getting to old to enjoy your life😉 get that surgery and do some exercise

Yes, chief! ;0)

All kidding aside, you couldn't be more right.

I did not know you were fighting this disability every day. I feel your pain..... literally.

Not to the level it has knocked you down to. That really sucks.!

I do know that you helped a total stranger (me) on this steem social platform. When the ones running PHC, kicked me and my application to them, from the discord, without so much as an explanation.?

I want to thank you again for that. Physical disability or not, your Heart is huge. I only hope Sammi Jo, Jess & I can make you smile from time to time.

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You do, @krazzytrukker... definitely. Once again proved with this comment :0)

'Bad cattitude' - I need to remember that one...lol

omg...why would you even write that your life is worth to nothing...just cuz you're currently spending time in your room most of the time? Well you have pretty damn good reason for that..2 back surgeries ain't no fun. I mean..I talk as if I never had a self pity phases...IM actually also fighting one as Im struggling to get of wart on my foot for more than 1 year now :/ and can't train jiu jitsu for one whole year :// sooo yeah, I'm also stuggling...we all do, you're right..but hey, pls never ever generalize one time-period struggle as your whole life. Try to remind yourself of the perspective and the whole "bigger" picture. In couplde of years, it'll be just another life chapter. Also, I'm sorry for ur dogs loss.

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I'm not saying it is, it just sometimes feels like that.

And after a wake up call like the one I had this morning, I realize that, in 5 years, I will probably look back on this period and be thankful for it, because I've learned so much from it. At least, that's what I have with all the other 'bad' things that happened to me in the past. But even though I know that, it's not always easy to put it into practice....

I would not have known you were struggling with your back
You are always so supportive and giving
That explains why I haven’t seen your gardening posts
I hope letting it out helped some
Hugs <33

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I always salute @simplymike for being so active all the time...even with back pain she happily able to manage Steem, homesteader, and then...helping in making minnows....she is just awesome and an inspiration

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Couldn't agree more
She is absolutely amazing <33

And then... just when I think everything is pointless, and my life has become worth next to nothing, I come across stories of other people here on SteemIt that make me realize things could be way, way worse and that I'm not in a position to feel like I feel.

I've had these thoughts often, also being limited by physical accidents and pain. Still, although I admire you want to pick up yourself after reading others stories, don't forget all your feelings are valid and allowed to be 'there'. It's true sometimes other stories are even worse but the truth is, that does not mean our stories are not 'bad'.

Just wanted to say you are allowed to feel like things are hard - and acknowledging things are hard (saying them out loud for example, something I've had to learn ;-)) can sometimes even be the most important step towards recovery.

Hugs, back pains suck (I have them today, they are tiring, and they are NOT as bad as yours, since I don't need surgery... But they are draining me so can't even imagine how you feel!) - and I hope the surgery will help you in some way <3

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Thanks, @soyrosa.
It's a bit funny to hear someone else say to me the same thing I always say to others: we are taught to define things as 'worse' or 'less bad', but there is in fact no such thing. It's only your own experience that counts.
It's advice I give to others, but - as with most of the advice I have for others - I forget to apply it to myself. Thanks for the reminder.

Sorry to hear you're in pain too.

You honesty is refreshing @simplymike ♥ I love your attitude and I know you'll get through this phase of your life and look back one day seeing the blessing of having "down time," realizing what it's all been FOR. Good on you.

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True. In a couple of years, I'll be thankful for this because it has helped me to become a smarter, stronger will have brought me closer to myself.

Too bad that's hard to grasp when you're in the middle of it ;0)

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Hi @simplymike :) Have you ever listened to Matt Kahn? When I jumped off a cliff 7 years ago, he became a rock for me insofar as being able to move through some hard times with ease & understanding. He's a wonderful teacher, and offers up free teachings on his YouTube channel. He especially attracts empaths, and I have a feeling you might be one ♥ Just a hunch, but if he doesn't resonate, all good. His last video was on "dissolving sadness." That might be a good place to start. But use your own intuition, of course.

Hi, @simplymike!

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The good thing about this is that you are talking about it. That's the best medicine, as venting is essential for improvement. There are times in our life when we are laid low for purposes to strengthen us my friend. You are not terminally sick and we pray that your situation will improve.
Blessings!

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?! Although that's what I believe.it's just not always easy to remember whe you're in the middle of.
5 years from now, I'll be thankful for the situation as ig is now, bdcause it has been a huge learning experience.

...if only that knowledge would make it easier to deal with when you are right inthe midle of it :0s

Why is it that some of the most generous and uplifting people are hiding and/or dealing with a lot of pain. I'm sorry you've had so much emotional and physical pain of late. My thoughts are with you and hope that there will be recovery soon in the future.

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It's 2019 and a new year. I always hope this year is better than last.
I may be a skeptic, especially when it comes to bitcoin =p, but I'm an optimist I guess...except for the climate, but that is almost impossible to feel good about when you live in a city where the smog makes it look gloomy nearly every day when it isn't pouring rain, which is also gloomy.
I like reading your stories and other stories about life. Put a nice coat of paint on the walls, hang up some pictures. If you don't have a good view, get a nice big screen to fake it.

It's touching moments like these that separate human from robot or machine.

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Thanks, @abitcoinskeptic.
If it's not 2019 or 2020, there will come a time that I will be able to look back on this and be thankful for it because I have learned so much and have grown as a person.
At least, that's my experience with the tough times I've gone though before.

These are the moments you learn the most, it's just hard to see when you are right in the middle of it. You only realize how many valuable lessons are learned once you manage to struggle through and can look back afterwards.

One day, I'll be glad I have been in this position, because it will have made me a stronger, better and smarter person. But even though I know that, it isn't really helpful at the moment :0)

Dear @simplymike,

If you think the world does not understand you and you get lost in your mind because of pain and stress, you're not alone. I got in there too.

When you think that you're the only one who felt isolated or singled out because of your experience, think twice. We go through a lot and, you are not alone.

Remember that always. You are not alone. There are a lot of people out there who experience the same thing as you do.

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Thanks, @nurseanne84.
It's good to be reminded every once in a while that I'm not the odd (wo)man out, because it sure feels that way a lot of the time.

It's just so frustrating that I'm aware of what's wrong, and I'm capable of giving good advice to others, without being able to put it into practice myself.

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It happens to all of us most of the time and, I wanted you to know, its normal for now. Just work it out. Yes. You might fail again and you can try and fail again. But that's life. It is a continuous struggle.

Sorry that you're feeling that way, I hope today you at least had some fun at the birthday you were attending. Although (luckily) I'm not bound to my bed, but I've been for quite some month when I had my little back accident. Your world gets small very easily, and when the winter months arrive I also easily feel depressed.

My world feels small too sometimes, next to toddler talk that is ;-) .. I guess many (stay at home) moms or working from home moms know how that goes with small children.

Sorry about your cats, that must be hard, in our house cats are also part of the family. Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to have any here. We had to leave one behind in holland and spain as well (brought him back to previous owner). I often miss the company of a cat, and when you are home a lot, it must feel like an even bigger loss :(

Do you have any other animals atm? Or were these two the only ones?

Big hug! Hope you feel better soon ♡

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I can really sense how troubling your current state is for you. I am really sorry you are dealing with the loss of your sweet precious cats ❤ i dont think i fully understood your situation before this post. You always seem like such a role model Steemian with all of your offerings. Your presence on here is so inspirational and supportive ❤🌸🌿

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Thanks for the kind words, @yogajill.
Often, I still manage to keep up appearances, but it really drains my energy to do so. So it actually felt good to not try to be someone I'm not, for a change :0)

Sorry that you're feeling that way, I hope today you at least had some fun at the birthday you were attending. Although (luckily) I'm not bound to my bed, but I've been for quite some month when I had my little back accident. Your world gets small very easily, and when the winter months arrive I also easily feel depressed.

My world feels small too sometimes, next to toddler talk that is ;-) .. I guess many (stay at home) moms or working from home moms know how that goes with small children.

Sorry about your cats, that must be hard, in our house cats are also part of the family. Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to have any here. We had to leave one behind in holland and spain as well (brought him back to previous owner). I often miss the company of a cat, and when you are home a lot, it must feel like an even bigger loss :(

Do you have any other animals atm? Or were these two the only ones?

Big hug! Hope you feel better soon ♡

Posted using Partiko Android

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I used to have 7 cats. I took them in at a time in which I had lost all trust in human kind. As a result, they became more to me than most pets become foe other people. For 7 years, I felt like they were the only creatures in the world I could trust. So I developed a very unhealthy relationship with them. They became to me what kids become to other people. I lost one in 2007, it took.me years to convince myself it was not my own fault. The feeling of guilt is still there. The second one I lost in 2010, and it still is painfull as hell.

November 2017, we lost another one, and -without any warning, our dog died 10 days later.
Last july, I lost my favorite one. 21 years old, which meant he had been with me for half of my life.

Now, three are left, all between the age of 18 and 20. They are really getting old, and I'm scared to death every minute of every day, because I realize the time of having to say goodbye can be here every minute.
It's really wrecking me emotionally. I don't know if I would be able to cope with another loss ... but I have no choice.

They were the only friends I had for years, and I consider them to be my babies.

(I'm even crying when writing this)

The birthday party was okay, but I've been living in solitude for more than a year now, and 30 people at once was more than I could handle. It tookaway so.much ofy energy that I decided to come home early and skip the big party.

I did have some good (but heavy) conversations which made me realize I won't be able to get through this on my own. I always expected I would, but I need to get some professional help. Unfortunately, it's not easy to find people who are capable to understand the way I think - so finding someone who will understand, or at least not judge, my pretty unconvential way of looking at things...

@simplymike,

Perspective ... it's not hard to find when you go looking. And, on Steemit, you need not look for long. Interestingly, it's impossible to be depressed and thankful at the same time, and so, it's a cheap cure for the blues.

That said, a bad back can be utter torment ... so cut yourself a bit of slack.

BTW ... I saw a notification on GinaBot the other day regarding a comment you left on my "QuillFire Roast or Toast Post." And so, I clicked the hyperlink to go respond. 15 minutes later and I still could not find it. I searched for side-chains. Nada. I tried swearing and cursing. It didn't help.

And hence, I bring it up now so you know I didn't just ignore you ... I just can't find where you're hiding. :-)

I'm toying with the idea of doing a Contest: Find That Damn Comment.

Quill

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Lol, I left a comment on that post and only noticed afterwards that the post was more than a month old, so I deleted it again - that's why you couldn't find it.

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@simplymike,

Ahhhh. :-)

That's actually very good news because I was seriously considering going to the doctor ... "Doc, my brain is not processing information correctly."

And, I was afraid they'd want to give me another lobotomy.

Quill

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Don't feel so down on yourself! You've given me motivation to keep going in Steem Monsters and Steemit in general. You are very right, lifes struggles are given to us for a reason and there is nothing that you cannot overcome! Keep your head up and project positive thoughts :)

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Thanks, @bxlaphabet.
I know that i 5 years from now, I'll be happy this has happened to me, because it's situations like these that make you wiser and stronger. It's a shame you only realize afterwards.
I
I realize I have to go though tis on mh path of personal development, althougb that doesn't really make it easier at the moment.

Thanks for the kind words. Glad I could help to keep motivated, although I didn't do a whole lot.

It's things like that that keep me going... so thanks again :0)