I didn't mean to disappear over the last couple of days. It feels weird to have a full 24 hours go by without a single post. But life happens, and these last two weeks have been booked solid with child-tending, appointments and hard thinking. What I mean is I've had a lot on my mind for a long time and it's all just started to shift into place. Tidy up. Make sense.

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I talk about this a lot in my memoir classes--how writing memoir is about taking hold of our narrative by making connections between then and now. We ask questions about how we got to where we are, and we answer them in a way that grants us closure where it's needed. We tell it true, but we tell our truth. And, well, our truth isn't going to match everyone else's. Memories are subjective. Whether we are looking back 25 years or two weeks.

I'm looking back two weeks. I was just getting into a new way of eating in order to meet some strength and fitness goals and it nearly triggered a relapse of anorexia. I struggled briefly. Thankfully some good friends talked me through those few days until I was able to make connections further back in my history to uncover the root of my potential relapse and avoid giving in to it. I am now back on the healthy side of the eating spectrum, but that wouldn't be true if I hadn't lassoed my narrative and tied it to past relapses and triggers.

What was the trigger? Money was part. Having kids at home full time was part. Feelings of abandonment by my family was part. Ultimately, it all boiled down to a need for greater control over my life. It's a good thing I've learned eating to fulfill my body's needs gives me more control than starving my body.

This is all to say my attendance has been spotty out of necessity. I've been doing self-care offline. And this weekend is my vacation. You might still find me here, but there's a chance I won't be back until Monday.

Happy steeming!

Shawna

What do you do when you need a break?

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