I don't enjoy being slowed down. I like to start, do and complete at my own pace. In the gym, that tends to be a few steps past moderate, but a few below extreme. I know my body. I know what it can and cannot do. I listen to the twinges, aches and cramps and I honor them. But I've had two back-to-back injuries in the last three months. I have grown impatient with healing.

One of these injuries was garage door-related. I broke three fingertips. Those are healed, although I still experience numbness in those fingers. The other was a freak accident at the gym on a day I was struggling with my squat depth. I focused in on getting my squat just right, and when I tried to fail the life (aka throw the heavy barbell away from my body) for whatever reason, only one arm responded. My left grip didn't release and the full weight of the barbell rolled backward off my hand.

Sorry if you've read this story. I'm re-hashing for a reason. When that barbell crossed my fingertips, I heard an internal pop. The pain was immediate and intense. My wrist and fingers began to swell. I was about 2/3 of the way through my workout. I stopped, got an icepack and supported my partner as she completed the last third. I did not, for even one second, consider continuing my workout. I've seen people do this. I knew something bad had happened. I knew it would be worse if I tried to power through it. I stepped back and gave my wrist the space it needed to talk to me.

Basically, it's still screaming. Here's where I get to why I've re-hashed this all (aside from having about 150 new followers since I last told it); There are two types of pain when you are working out:

1. The pain of getting stronger.

This occurs when you are sore after a good workout, or some deep trauma has happened in your life that you are now engaging with the goal of healing.

2. The pain of injury.

This is when you hurt because something is wrong in your body or life. Emotional pain is included.

I know which is which. This week I've heard from both.

This morning marked my third workout this week. On Tuesday and Wednesday, my wrist raged at any attempt to use it. I was tempted to take the stashed pain meds my doctor gave me despite the hangover they cause. The pain was intense enough to shatter my focus and have be consider skipping the gym. Instead, I went and modified. This morning, my wrist felt great. The movement today was overhead squat. I wasn't sure I could do it without problems. I thought for certain I wouldn't go past 35# even though my max is 72#. But I took it slow, listened to my body and modified with the help of my coach.

The goal was to increase weight every two minutes for seven lifts. I increased for four lifts. Then I stayed at 60#, well shy of my max, and light enough it was clear I need to set a new max. When my wrist can support the weight. Which, even with a wrap, it can't right now.

It's for the same reason, I don't wear high heels. The joint won't support it yet.

It's very hard to know that I can do more when I can't do more. Do you get that? I want to be my best every day, and knowing that I could have hit an 80# overhead squat today might leave a sour taste in my mouth if I decided to ignore that I was (1) ABLE to do an overhead squat for the first time with this injury and (2) that I was working a good 25# beyond my expectations. I can add a (3): I was able to practice and achieve a MUCH higher quality squat by staying at a lighter weight. And a (4): my wrist hurts right now, but it's the good kind of hurt.

Patience is said to be a virtue. I have always been accused of impatience. In the last years, especially with respect to my body, I have learned that many of the best achievements take time. I am willing to give my wrist that time because I care about myself.

How are you listening to yourself today?

images from pixabay.com

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