Lessons from hosting a newborn and his mama

Having Lili in the house is like having a long sleepover which is to say I’m way overtired and always excited because there is a fun person to do fun stuff with. Oh, and an adorable baby.

Let me state, for the record, that I find my whole family fun. But fun with Lili is more like friend or sister fun versus partner-lover fun or parent-child fun. Lili reminds me of when I lived in the same house with my sisters. Because I rarely see my sisters, this is healing.

In fact, there has been a lot of healing with Lili here. Part of this is just her nature. She is a thinker and deeply intuitive. One of those people who asks questions that shake things up. While she was laboring, I had a positive flashback. A genuine flashback of a truly happy moment from a time period so full of abuse my mind has blocked most of it. I was surprised but also not because this is just the type of thing that happens around Lili.

Caring for her son has reminded me of how much I loved having newborns. I chased that thought and realized it is because newborns can’t hurt you. They are safe. You keep them safe. And there is implicit trust between you.

As a survivor of violence at the hands of my parents, this is enlightening. First the remembering there was a time I LOVED parenting. Second the understanding that my resistance to it now is a lack of trust that my children won’t, as my parents did, hurt me.

So, even though I am so tired it feels like I’m floating, there are clear and wonderful upsides to hosting a friend and her newborn. Which is to say, it’s scary to imagine doing what we’re doing, but it’s worth the risk.

Xoxo,

Shawna