What do YOU do when you're feeling "stuck" in life?
Time to get a little personal here... This has been building for a while and I feel like I'm on the brink of big changes. Not sure what they are. Not sure how to start the snowball a'rolling. Maybe you can help? I'd be grateful to hear perspectives from you Steemians, especially coming from other countries, cultures, and ages.
Let's Start with the Good...
I'm not totally dissatisfied with everything in my life. I'm grateful for my...Romantic Relationship
I've been with @shenanigator for 16 months now, and he makes me incredibly happy. We make each other laugh and push each other to try/learn new things. Somehow, he even balances the empath in me, which is a rare and incredible thing. We live together in a beautiful condo that we shouldn't be able to afford. It's within walking distance to our favorite restaurants and cocktail spots, plus a mere 15-minute drive to my work—a straight shot down 7th Street.
Family
I am also blessed to have an unconditionally loving family, most of whom live right here in Arizona. (I do miss my sis, though. She's in DC for grad school.) No matter what happens, I know they'd be there for me.
Steady Job
Lastly, I am fortunate enough to have a steady paycheck from my full-time job. It's a "9 to 5" type where I'm able to work the most flexible hours you can imagine. If I'd rather do 8-4 or 10-6, that's fine. If I need to take half a day off for an appointment, I can just spread the hours throughout the rest of the week. AND, every Tuesday and Thursday are work from home days. They also give unlimited* PTO (paid time off), which is one of the best perks.Though they boast "unlimited," it's not really unlimited—they give you two weeks each year and start raising eyebrows if you want more than that.
As you can see, I have many things to be thankful for. I try my best to focus on the good instead of the bad, but there are some areas of pretty significant discontentment which have been leaving my heart bothered for quite a while now.
Now, the More Unsettling Things
There are two, maybe three, main factors that cause me to wrinkle my brow every day...dozens of times each day.My Health
I've been dealing with steadily deteriorating health for about two years now. This is after I recovered from Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome (AFS).
During the time that I was dealing with AFS, I discovered food allergies/intolerances to gluten, animal products, peanuts, and soy. Since then, I've also become allergic to onions, peas, and sesame seeds, then (more recently) high-nickel foods—that's the longest list of all of them. You can read more about that in this post.
Right now, I'm eating about a dozen low-nickel foods. If I stray from those, I face the most extreme eczema on my hands you can possibly imagine. (Refer to my Systemic Nickel Allergy Syndrome post to see pics at your own risk.) It will eventually look like I have a flesh-eating disease...gross, I know. And painful af. :( Thankfully, I've started the healing process via the guidance of a naturopathic doctor.
I'm sure it's pretty obvious why this is a "pain point" in my life right now. Eating the same damn meal, three times a damn day... Never getting to go out to eat... Constantly dealing with reactions to food... (Did I mention it also appears as cystic acne on my face? Looks like I'm a fucking hormonal teenager, ugh.) You get the point.
It also makes me feel like being in the U.S. with all the fucked up GMO foods, artificial ingredients everywhere you turn, bleached & fluoride-infused water, stressful/demanding day-to-day lifestyle, and well, everyone in the world knows the political situation—not getting into that though—it's just not a good place for my body to ever recover from these issues.
Case in point: when I was in Amsterdam for SteemFest, I ate a pineapple curry that should have had no onions (since I'm allergic), but it did. I didn't have a trace of an allergic reaction...making me wonder if I'm really allergic to these foods, or if the ones in the US are just genetically modified and Roundup-infected to the point that they're wrecking my body. Note: I do eat 90% organic.
My Job
Disclaimer: To any coworkers that may be reading this—it's not a resignation letter lol. I've worked at my job for over two years now. I'd say for the most part it's always been 70-80% good and 20-30% undesirable. And before you start with the "Oh you Millennials these days..." nonsense, I FULLY understand that I'm not always going to like 100% of my job. I'm fine with being less than happy with 20-30% of it. That's life. For the last eight months (probably more), however, it's been more like 40-50% happy and 50-60% unhappy. The scale has tipped in the wrong direction.As a Content Strategist, I'd like to be doing client-facing work where I help with brand voice, website/app content, blog articles, overarching brand strategy, experiments/testing, etc. What they have me doing is bullshit SEO content—basically mini research reports (300-400 words) with specific keywords plugged in. No one will read these pieces of content, they're for Google's eyes only. The way I put it, they're whoring my content out to Google to give our clients more domain authority. It's a huge waste of my time and skills. I've voiced my concern and dissatisfaction, yet it's still a big chunk of my working hours each week.
In general, I feel underutilized and undervalued. I'm also not growing as a Content Strategist/ UX Writer since I'm the only one at this company who does what I do—there's no one to learn from. Each day, I come home feeling mentally and emotionally drained, which means instead of having the energy to do the hobbies/activities I love, I resort to watching TV to give my brain/body relief.
Each week that passes, I wonder if the steady paychecks and flexibility are worth it. It feels like I'm wasting my life away, especially since I hardly have the energy and enthusiasm to do things outside of work during the week. Do I get a new job at a different company? Do I do something different entirely? (Like <a href="https://steemit.com/food/@sharingeverybite/guess-what-motherfuckers-it-s-about-to-get-spicy-in-this-bitch"the spice business @shenanigator and I are trying to start.) It's hard for me to imagine leaving a steady salary that not only helps me pay for rent, food, medical expenses, etc., but it also gives a lot of flexibility to travel a bit. I go back and forth on this daily.
My Location
But, wait! Didn't you just say you love your condo and its location? Ah, yes. I definitely love this spot in Phoenix and if I'm still living here, I'd happily stay in this exact condo for as long as our landlord keeps renting it to us. That being said, I haven't felt like Phoenix, Arizona was the right place for me to be on this Earth for a long time now.
Since I was 13, I wanted to move to Portland, Oregon. If I were to do that, my job would dock my pay $10,000 as a "nomad-ing fee" to work remotely. That's about a 25% pay cut—ouch. But let's say I quit my job... should I even move to Portland? Even that I don't know. I'm not so sure the United States is where I should be right now.
Hi! I just found out that you're back (when @sift666 forwarded your doggie post to me. Too late to upvote it, but it was super gorgeous.) Great to see you back, and sorry to hear you're still struggling health wise. I'm guessing you still can't have bone broths, though if you can have them now, I've been using a bone broth based protein powder that might be better than pea for you.
Hi @kiwideb! Great to hear from you. :) I need to catch up on some of your posts!! How are you doing?
Haven't yet tried bone broth, but I'd be interested to hear what type of protein powder you've been using? Perhaps I can try it! @shenanigator bought some bovine Collagen Peptides, which I don't think have caused any reaction for me (by some miracle lol). I've been mixing that into coffee for some extra protein each day.
I understand how you feel. The health issues are probably huge for feeling at peace emotionally. I remember from a few months ago all that you were doing just to try to stop the forward momentum of your increasing health issues, never mind actually achieving healing. It sounds like you've done that, but partly by severely limiting your food variation. That alone would make me feel like I was stuck in one place. That, coupled with the job dissatisfaction, can really work against the joyful parts of your life and interfere with your sense of peace.
When I start feeling that way, it's almost always to do with my business, and how infinitesimally slowly it's growing. I start feeling that I'm putting a LOT of work into it, and just not unlocking the "secret" of success. When nothing seems to work, I start thinking about throwing the towel in. I also do a lot of ghostwriting in order to pay bills, and that feels distinctly unfulfilling. About the only thing that has helped, besides daily meditation and fresh air (What would I do without my garden?), is talking to people who are willing to listen and can help kind of troubleshoot my life with me. Like, for example, coming up with a workable plan to move to Portland. How much in savings would I need? Would the physical move actually bring me peace, or would I just be taking my troubles with me? How much in savings would I need to comfortably endure the pay cut until I found local work? What are costs like there? And so on and so forth.
I'm rambling, so I'll stop, but I empathize!
@jenncapestany, your ramblings are ALWAYS welcome here. :) I can't believe you remembered those posts—somehow that's so comforting to know.Thank you for these kind and encouraging words. You really hit all the nails on the head.
Great idea for making a workable plan. I suppose I've tried to do that a bit, but I get so overwhelmed with the negative "what ifs" that it stops me in my tracks. What if I don't find a job that pays as well? What if my health issues get worse because of moving? etc, etc, etc...
@shenanigator and I frequently talk about moving to a Spanish-speaking country where we wouldn't need much money to get by—our savings would probably be enough to last for a year even if we didn't work. Even still, those unknowns are incredibly scary and that's sorta kept me at a standstill. I know there's aways going to be mystery in the future, but the risk seems too great right now. Yet.. doing nothing could be just as bad. Teeter, totter. Teeter, totter.
Anyway, that's my little rant. lol
Of course I remember you, and the health issues that you were enduring. I took a small break from Steemit to finish a book that I was ghostwriting (more time spent expanding someone else's brand instead of my own, sigh), but you'd come into my head once in a while, and I'd wonder how your journey was going. I feel the teeter totter, girl, lol! I'm on that seesaw too!
One thing for sure that I learned just before taking the plunge into making videos is that even after you crunch numbers, analyze, and come up with a workable, practical plan with contingencies to move to Portland, or Costa Rica, or wherever you and @shenanigator want to settle, taking the plunge will STILL be really difficult. Our brains are hardwired to want us to be safe. To the primitive brain, safety means the devil that you know. No change is good. So you'll never feel ready to make a big life change unless the pain of your present circumstances becomes more "dangerous" than the pain of the change. The only way to really make something happen is to use the logical side of your brain to create a plan, point out to your emotional side that it's overreacting, and then... full steam ahead despite feeling wildly uncomfortable about it. If your plan is sound, then your worries will be unfounded. You have to just kind of trust that. I know that's easier said than done.
You mentioned that you saw a naturopathic doc. I bet that he/she already recommended testing for metal toxicities (mercury and lead come to mind as the biggies). If not, please let me gently encourage you to head over to Direct Labs and order your own tests. That hormone panel screen shot that you shared is interesting. In my experience heavy metals lurking in your body tissues can really frustrate attempts to heal. Just a thought, in case y'all didn't explore that area yet.
Isn't that the unfortunate truth! I have a feeling that until my health struggles show some type of improvement, logic says that it makes more sense to stay with the routine that, while stressful and unfulfilling, is consistent. Moving, getting a new job, or uprooting other things would likely cause more stress than my body can handle right now. Until my health shows an upward tick, a steady routine (with a salary to pay for the treatment) is probably best. In the meantime, we can deeefinitely start planning though. ;)
So far, she's done blood work to test for CBC/CMP, Ferritin, Thyroid panel, vitamin D, and HbA1c. Everything came back within normal levels, though slightly on the low side for iron and vitamin D. I'm on supplements for both now in addition to something called "GI Revive" for (what they deduce and I agree is) leaky gut. Not to get too TMI on ya, but I'm also waiting for lab results back from stool cultures which are testing for parasites, candida, and a whole list of other things.
I suspect that I have some type of heavy metal poisoning as well since my allergies exploded after switching to stainless steel pots and pans—at the time I didn't know you aren't supposed to use citrus because it causes leaching. My naturopath wants to wait for the results of the cultures before looking into heavy metal poisoning because it would be much more expensive/painful/etc. to fix. Do you have a specific recommendation for the type of heavy metal test though? I noticed they have urine, blood, and stool.
That all makes sense to me. No worries on the TMI, lol! I had to submit a stool sample for testing as well. Not that fun. :/ Heavy metal testing: Mercury should be a urine test to better gauge how much mercury you're actually holding in your body tissues. Lead should be a blood test. Your words make perfect sense. Stress can literally make you sick or sicker, so, while you're going through all of this, minimizing stressful situations is a really good thing. I'm rooting for you!
Thanks for the info on those tests! I'll request with my doctor and go from there. Appreciate your comments in general, made me feel a lot better. :)
Start with identifying the things you can control, and those you can't.
It sounds like you've already done the former with your health issues snubbed that you're trending in the right direction there.
Maybe start with the work/living situation since it is something you deal with everyday.
Have you visited Portland before? Considered any other places? Phoenix isn't quite the paradise i thought it would be, and i share similar feelings there.
Perhaps you could do a few weeks up there working remotely and see what you think.
Hey @justinchase, I've visited Portland a few times, which is why I fell in love with it. The energy, people, food, and just about every aspect is so refreshing. I suppose I'm just "over" Phoenix since I've lived here my whole life...it's time for a change. That's a good idea about working remotely. I should explore some couchsurfing-type options so it doesn't cost so much (lodging is always the most expensive part of traveling in my experience.)
Airbnb has cut costs for lodging pretty significantly, you can now rent single rooms in home, some of which have personal bathrooms (others are shared with the people in the house). I did that when I moved to Phoenix, since I didn't have an apartment lined up yet.
I figure if your job will let you work remotely (and you don't like it that much anyways), maybe you can use it as a way to explore new places and find your new home.
When I feel stuck during the day I jump into a cold shower, and then I don't feel stuck anymore. Have you tried taking a cold shower?
I love this! We all feel stuck in life sometimes! If you get the chance, can you upvote my newest post where I teach you how to $20/Day on Steemit? :) Thanks! https://steemit.com/steemit/@parkermorris/how-to-make-usd20-day-on-steemit-with-no-money
Spammy comments like these are inauthentic and unwelcome on Steemit.