Reading to Your Kids Creates Inequality
Did you know that if you read a bedtime story to your kids, you're giving them an unfair advantage over others? Well Mr. or Mrs. Despicable-Human, you are! And it's time to stop and think about what you're doing.
According to this professor,
...parents who read to their kids should be thinking about how they’re “unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children” by doing so.
That quote comes from Professor Adam Swift from the University of Warwick in England.
When you read to your children, not only are you helping them with their language skills, but you're fostering a positive family relationship.
By doing so you are unfairly disadvantaging those who do not have a positive home environment or access to good education.
You monster.
Parents who seek even greater educational advantage for their children, like sending them to well-respected private schools are the worst offenders of all.
While creating strong familial bonds may be somewhat excusable in the case of reading bedtime stories, that justification doesn't apply to private education. Therefore...
Parents who send their kids to private schools are contributing to the toxic inequality that is plaguing our culture.
So listen up all you garbage people who want the best for your kids - STOP IT! You're ruining this great country! Don't you know that equality and fairness are the chief virtues that we must strive to achieve above all else?
Solutions
- Fathers, abandon your families
- The increase in single-parent households has coincided with the increase in economic equality. In order to make things fair for everyone, all fathers should leave their partners and children behind as soon as possible.
- Ensure that your household is always short on food
- How can anyone think about improving themselves when they are fighting hunger and starvation?
- Give up all your assets
- One of the biggest contributors to economic disparity is the fact that some people begin at a higher starting point. If each person simply burns all of their property we will have a level playing field.
- Destroy your national economy
- This only applies if you live in a wealthy nation. A prosperous economy begets prosperous individuals. The sort of global inequality this creates is disgusting. If we stop engaging in trade with others and destroy as much commercial property as we can, we may be able to bring everybody down to the same level.
Remember, inequality is the true enemy. I would rather see everyone equal in slavery than unequal in prosperity. Isn't that how the saying goes?
Thanks for reading! Please follow me @sethlinson.
~Seth
Image Sources
Banner image - Wikipedia (cropped and re-uploaded by me)
See-Saw Comic - Club Troppo
Alexis de Tocqueville - Wikipedia
This day and age, you just never know when people actually believe in this type of material, so even though I knew you meant it in a sarcastic way, I just had to make sure by checking the comments.
I'm glad you posted this, it's really quite funny ... and a bit ironic. I up voted and followed as well.
Thanks! And you're absolutely right, some people have ideas so bad that they seem like satire. It's hard to be sure.
I wonder if this professor ever stops to think about how his degree gives him an unfair advantage over those who will never attend university. Isn't it unfair to only allow people who have studied a particular subject to teach it?
I'm sure the irony would be lost on him. Or he'll just plug his ears and sing, "lalalalala"
I laughed a great lot -
Kudos to the way you put it out ...
very clever
We must follow the lowest common denominator, together, equally and united in our pursuit of the status quo of mediocrity!
Hi @sethlinson
I would rather say the ones that do not read bed time stories should try doing so. I also believe you should do the best you can to give your child the best education possible.
The government could help by making university education affordable, in order for poor people to also be afforded the opportunity to study. There should however be strict admision criteria, in order to ensure the money is not wasted on people who do not perform
I agree with this statement entirely. My article was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but I understand that sarcasm sometimes doesn't translate well when written. I don't agree with your second statement, but that's because I'm an anarchist. But we don't need to get into a debate about that now...
Cheers! And thanks for commenting.
Some college professors need to STFU (says the soon to be college professor).
Upvote funny stuff but seriously my wife and I read to our daughters nearly every night. Also we watch television with subtitles ALWAYS!! When our daughter was in 3rd grade she had a 5th-6th grade reading level!
Good for you! We should always seek to better ourselves and our children. This philosophy that we should try to achieve equality by bringing everybody down is horrible. Instead we should try bring each other up. We can work to improve ourselves and everyone else.
Remember, inequality is the true enemy. I would rather see everyone equal in slavery than unequal in prosperity. Isn't that how the saying goes?
I fully with you agree and I support this idea!
We will forge a brave new world together.
Upvoted and followed, funny stuff.
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
I love that sarcasm. :-)
Sometimes humour and sarcasm are the only way to address such terrible ideas.