Stop Bullying @senseicat
When I was young, there were very few incidents of bullying compared to now. After an unexpected loss in a middle school football game, the ride home was exceptionally quiet. My son is known to be the most happy go lucky person in previous years regardless of wins or losses.
This morning on the ride to school, he said that kids are calling him names on his team and everyone will blame him for the loss due to his leadership position on the team. He gave me examples and asked me to promise that I would not tell anyone. I told him that this is "trash talk" and that it is considered bullying, especially when one person starts it and everyone follows suit.
I went ahead and asked that the topic of respecting other teammates be addressed to the entire team. What was unfortunate is that the head coach attempted to guess the kid and ended up trying to guess several names which indicate that he knew of the problem.
Luckily, my son's coach has a reputation of being very tough so he was the ideal choice in addressing these youngsters. The coaches complimented my son on his strong athletic skills and even thought of additional positions in addition to the other ones that he excels in. Another coach told him to let the comments roll off his back.
We need to adopt a zero tolerance policy of bullying PERIOD! If we see it happening, we need to step in each and every single incidence. I wonder why bullying has become systemic in our culture. It is something that needs to be addressed head on with authority and immediate consequences.
My son says that the kid who started bullying him knows that it was him reporting it. I responded by saying that this is this the first step and if it continues one more time to let me know and I will make sure that kid will be removed from the team. This was greeted with, "I love you mom!"
I also pointed out that many others kids felt the same way and my son responded, "I guess they can thank me" for being courageous in stepping up.
well, my old man used to tell me to hit the loudest mouth in the face with a brick ... works like a charm but maybe not something you would tell your kid in every environment heh heh
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Growing up as a kid I was bullied...pretty violently I might add. Telling the adults didn't do anything. The only things that worked were hanging with my friends (strength in numbers) and fighting back to defend myself. Humiliating a bully publicly and hitting hard are the only things that made them stop. All the anti bullying policy stuff is rooted in good intentions, but it's total bullshit that the kids getting bullied who are legitimately defending themselves are getting punished. That's flat out wrong. I am not saying you should hit the bully first, but dammit, if they start it you have every right to beat them down to the ground and end it. We all have a right to defend ourselves from harm. Bullies are assholes and don't deserve sympathy.
@jestermage, opinions vary , i personally also don't think you can just hug-a-bullet to make it stop but thats all case by case, i think my old man had a good point as most packs of hyenas revolve around one alpha-male (or female) since its virtually impossible by nature to have more than one in one pack, since they will keep bickering until the "order" has been established so in most cases its only one that's the problem, not the whole sorry lot
which, (imo) doesnt mean you should just take a beating in the name of Gandhi, after all Gandhi got shot, didnt he, and it looks to me like wars didnt stop after that. It's a balance, as always.
I got a personal thing from when i was way older, some pre-twennies in a pack with "the man" who tried to snatch my money, so basically as a reflex (i was a bit shorter on the fuse then still) i smacked him and as you say, even if his 15 friends jumped me and broke my foot and what not, even if the cops told me "they knew them because they were ALWAYS trouble" i was the one ending up getting convicted for assault (or whatever thats called overthere) , mind you im not a violent person, i hate violence but i have a hard time letting people walk over me, i can count the fights in my life on one hand still and none of them happened before i was thirty as life really kicked me in the nads around then.
Which makes "the law" ridiculous again because what i should have done according to them is let them steal my money, let them slap me around a bit, then call the cops (as if they could do something since its my word against some rich kids, right)
but thats like more than 15 years ago, before the worst part happened even.
ive never been a big believer in "justice" by law
but to preach violence as a first means i think should still be avoided, teaching kids some self control is essential, confidence , or lack of it, is what causes the fuse to blow a lot of the times
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Your son did the right thing is quite admirable that he had the courage to tell you what was bothering him to solve that situation in the best way! Sometimes it is better to intervene than to pass the opportunity and who knows what could happen then