How to drive like a PRO ! without being a RETARD...

in #life7 years ago

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You’ve just got your drivers license, or maybe you’ve been maneuvering your vehicle for some time now, who gives? You’re probably driving like an idiot! The thing is, you’re most diffidently not aware of it…all the time…but who is? I might have started a bit rough here, everyone has their own driving style, it’s too bad some of them suck really bad. When you’re in traffic you’re just free to express your feelings freely from within the car, it doesn’t matter if you curse the shit out of everyone, you’re perfectly safe there in your cabin. Everything is well and you are perfect.
In the safety of your cockpit you are cocooned in your world, driving about, looking at people, judging them, eating your boogers and leaving cigarette marks all over the interior trim. It’s perfectly cool don’t get me wrong, no one is there to offer opinions, you make your way throughout traffic and your decisions are the best.

EXCEPT THEY ARE NOT.


Without a bit of schooling and taunting, you’re always going to think you’re the cheese behind the wheel. Riding alone and thinking everything is fine with your driving quality is not that good of self criticism, you need someone to tell you what’s wrong and what’s not and also judge by the number of honks and middle fingers you get by your surrounding traffic mates. Therefore in order to drive well and perform like a gentleman/lady in traffic you must follow some basics.

TRY TO GET SOME PEOPLE THAT ACTUALY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE WITH YOU


You might think you’re killing it by parking sideways in 5 minutes, but trust me, you can always do better. Ask a friends (or a couple) to sit with you in the car and let loose a mild dose of criticism on your ego, it will help (or just ask them to be honest, ahem! Assholes), if they truly are your friends they will offer valuable advice. Don’t be offended, they are your friends, they care for you. Almost shed a tear there.

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BE POLLITE EVEN TO ASSHOLES


A foul mouth will always prime when someone just pissed you off. Even if you take revenge on the poor bastard, make him feel like an uneducated vegetable when you talk to him. Be firm and polite when telling him to fuck off. You’ll feel like a true gentleman.

DON’T BE THAT IDIOT WHO ALWAYS HONKS!


Honestly, we all hate that douchebag who for every little thing that pisses him off honks with all three of his elbows. If someone moves slow, just try and pass him, if someone can’t decide what turn to take, check his plates, maybe he’s from out of town. These are just a few examples, use common sense, don’t honk like a moron for no reason.

DON’T FLASH YOUR LIGHTS ON THE HIGHWAY


If you’re breaking the speed barrier on the highway don’t make everyone pay for it, just cruise behind them and if they don’t notice you, flash the lights just a bit so they can feel your presence. If the person doesn’t move intentionally, he’s more of a dick than you are so melting the coating of his paint with your lights won’t help. Politely give them a “fuck you” whilst passing on the right lane.

DON’T REV AT THE LIGHTS


Just…don’t be that guy…seriously. Unless you’re packing multi piston, multi turbocharged, multi set of balls machines, don’t. Everyone will hate you for it.

DON’T LISTEN TO LOUD MUSIC


C’mon, no one cares what you’re listening too, it’s perfectly ok to listen to loud tunes on the road, but don’t let everyone know you’re interested in Beyoncé or Lil Wayne , people over twelve won’t give a fuck.

RESPECT PEDESTRIAN CROSSINGS


Don’t fuck with pedestrians and just let them pass, it could cost you your license and get a big ticket. Carmagedon was only a game.

DRIVE COMFORTABLY

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Give zero fucks when driving, if it’s too fast just adjust the speed you like, if the corner strangles your ribs, ease it down before you land in the ER. Honestly, know your limits. Better slow on the road than fast in a wheelchair.

DON’T COAST WHILE IN A CORNER

That’s screwing with your center of gravity, the car will be unbalanced and a corner can get you of guard. It’s always well to be in gear, especially while descending. Control over the brake and throttle is key, and it will also help your fuel consumption.

KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE BEHIND THE CAR IN FRONT

It’s very important to leave some space between you and the vehicle in front, dumbass might be texting and see an animal or plastic bag on the road, he jumps on the brakes and you’ll be kissing his ass (literally).

USE TWO HANDS WHEN DRIVING FAST

Seriously, it helps. If you feel like shredding some corners use both wheels and use a correct posture whilst driving, it will most diffidently help and make you feel like group B pilot.

BE PREPARED FOR THE ROAD


Always pack extra gear with you in the car. Make sure to have your fire extinguisher, safety vest, med kit, extra washer fluid, basic tools (ratchet, screwdrivers, pump), jumper cables, glass scraper etc. You never know when you need them, or that hot chick whose car just broke down in the park lot, YA GET ME BRUV?

ALL IN ALL JUST BE CHILL


Try not to get too upset, shit happens, you make sure it’s not you who caused the fire. There’s a saying, “better his mama to cry, than yours” so just keep in mind to never drive more than you’re comfortable, or faster for that matter, speed does really kill. Try to follow some clips on how to approach corners, keep the car steady, accelerate and keep them apexes tight. Learning a bit of sporty driving raises the bar a bit and you can drive in all sort of conditions with an optimum attitude. Quality driving assures shorter arrival times and better fuel economy. If you get every day a bit better and more patient, you’re improving the overall safety of the traffic in your area. Now go out there and shred that diesel Polo!

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