The Guide to Dating for MensteemCreated with Sketch.

in #life7 years ago

Hey guys, 

Are you feeling lonely?

Have no confidence in yourself meeting girls?

Don't know how to approach girls?


Fret not, from this guide, you'll be dating chicks by the dozen in no time!


Self-Improvement

Before you go looking for date, you gotta improve yourself to be presentable. Here are a few tips on how to improve on your attractiveness.

Go to the gym

This is pretty obvious, you gotta get fit and get ripped. No self respecting female would want to be seen with a thin-ass nerd or a overweight loser.

This is the ideal male body. You may not like it but this is what peak performance looks like. (Pic from Google)


Wear branded clothes

Wearing non-descript, non-branded clothes just screams one thing about yourself. You're poor as fuck. Which female would want to get together with someone that can't afford to buy their future children expensive branded child clothing?


Smell good

A female's sense of smell has long been a deciding factor on whether a male is a potential mate. It's largely to due your genetic makeup that generates a pheromone from your bodily fluids that will attract females. Since you don't want to be shoving your armpit into your date's face, there's another way to weaponize your pheromones. Every time you finish at the gym, squeeze all the sweat that has collected on your t-shirt. Get a bottle of your favorite cologne, and mix the sweat in a 2:1 ratio. Use this before a date, it's scientifically proven to work.

PROTIP : If you can get sweat from your crotch area, that's even better.

This here is a goldmine. (Pic from Google)


Talk intelligently

No you don't actually have to be intelligent, you just have to pretend to be. Here are some quotes that don't mean anything but makes you look super smart and wise.

- “The soul arises and sets in a expression of opportunities.”

- “Everything and more is ever present.”

- “Two in the hand does not mean one in the foot.”

- “Transcendence embraces exponential potentiality .”


General Rules

1. Be direct

Don't beat around the bush and use cheesy pick-up lines. Women love men that are straight to the point. Here are some examples of being direct.

- "You have a great ass, let's hang out."

- "Yu wan sum fuk?"

- "I love dem titties"

- "I'm really horny"

- "All the other girls are too ugly."


2. Be tough

It's obvious that women love bad boys, chicks don't dig well-mannered or courteous guys. The phrase "Nice guys finish last." comes to mind. Here are some tips on being tough.

- When going through a door, kick it open.

- If someone accidentally bumps into you, curse his/her mother loudly.

- You shouldn't smile

- Talk as loud as possible and be sure to curse as much.

- Smoking is the coolest shit ever


3. Don't be on time

Never arrive on a date punctually. Showing up on time just means you are easily manipulated and have no will of your own. Arriving at whatever time you want shows her that you are capable of making your own decision, and also gives the impression that you are a very busy person.


4. Bring your date to dark, secluded places.

Always be on a lookout for secluded corners and alleys. You would want to have quality time alone together with your date without external disturbance. An empty parking lot at 3AM would be a nice place. Don't worry about crime, Malaysia is a very safe country. We usually get robbed in daylight.

 

Just look at how romantic is that. (Pic from Google)


5. Never give a chance for her to talk

Women hate it when they have to initiate in a conversation. You should always be talking loudly and interrupting all her efforts at talking. They especially love how men talk about themselves and their achievements in life.


Conclusion

The end of a date may bring many meanings, because women often show puzzling and nonsensical signs that may or may not mean anything. Here are some examples on how they will react.

1. She smiles at you and thanks you for the great night.

She wants the D


2. She leaves without saying a word.

She wants you to chase after her because she enjoys being the submissive. Also, she wants the D


3. She complains how terrible you are as a person and that you two should never meet again.

Women often mean the opposite of what they say, so you should grab her and drive her back to your place. Any attempts at struggling or screaming just means they want it more. Obviously she also wants the D.


4. She's unconscious.

You slipped in too much sedatives in her drink.


5. She's dead.

You used the wrong sedative in her drink. 

Sort:  

If this is a joke, its made in bad taste and you lack respect for woman.

Hey there @saltytomato.

While I quite enjoy your satire. Please make it very clear that your post is meant as such.

A disclaimer is definitely needed to indicate that you don't mean what you said but serves as a comedic relief. However dark that comedy is.

As you are definitively condoning the use of date rape drug and being generally repulsive. Some people might take it seriously and take actions against you as such.

Also, please properly cite your sources unless you took the pictures in your own. You can do that by indicating clearly from where you gotten the original image as well as providing a link to the original image.

You a treading the lines of trolling and not citing your sources. Which is a serious offense in Steemit.com and warrants your post to be flagged.

As you tagged #TeamMalaysia, there is a certain level of expectation placed on the quality of your content by everyone in TeamMalaysia.

We do not want to be potentially be affiliated with someone who condones rape.

We hope you will take actions to rectify your mistakes. Failure to do so will give grounds for flagging.

Stay awesome!

I enjoy reading this and how your previous blog is also meant as a suicide guide. It is telling of a hidden ambition. I agree with @awesomianist that its okay to have your niche however disturbing it maybe to others. But citing a source isn't the same as naming a general pool of resource. The closest I can think of an analogy is when ask your name, you say you are human. Which is not wrong, but defeats the purpose of having a name. Similarly to the rule of citing your source.

If this is a joke, please state it so. And even if it's a joke, it's not funny. Some idiots may take your advice literally.

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