RE: 2:30am Nightmares about the shitter and pulling the trigger.
Diet, exercise, and retraining my mind helped break my night terrors, actually going to meditation retreats, 3 - 12 day vipassana retreats my first year, broke the cycle completely. But I still needed to heal the body from years of stress and allopathic medicine for depression given to me to help me with my anxiety and pain from fibromyalgia. Antidepressants killed off all my gut bacteria which are now linked to a healthy mental state and immune system.
If you quit drinking all your symptoms will get worse for a couple days and healing will start, sure you'll feel like crap, but if you don't quit drinking everything will get worse and you'll die a death that is not honorable.
You are a warrior and you are at war with yourself, who will win?
Mike Adams can help you, his site is amazing. If you send him a note, he may give you more advice on exercise and nutrition.
Much love,
Lisa
Thank you for your advice and kind words @reddust. My wife brought up the no drinking and symptoms this morning after I managed to get 2-3 hours of sleep. I did manage to stay sober for over a year before this long relapse I have been in the middle of currently. I forgot how hard it was to reach that state. If I did it once I can do it again, right? Also,( please,don't take this the wrong way, b/c my comment bears no negativity towards you) your warrior comment is one that just digs deep into my soul. I ask myself all the time...."What kind of warrior are you"? I know the man I am right now just seems nothing like the brave 20 year old from 14 years ago. My own Father tells me I need to "suck it up". There are days I tell myself to stop being a "sissy" or "pull yourself up by the bootstraps". The reality is that many Veterans/PTSD sufferers have tried to "suck it up" and live the "warrior mentality" so ingrained in the military culture; only to lead lives full of addiction, sadness,anxiety with a trail of bodies from their destructive patterns. I am slowly accepting after all these years that it's ok for a warrior to ask for help....It's just not ok for warriors to retreat.
Define warrior as spiritual and I can take the heat, I'm come from military family...you are amazing to have made it through that shit!
One of my teachers wrote about warriors, he was a crazy Tibetan too, not perfect just like you and me.
http://www.shambhala.com/shambhala-1290.html
Much metta to you and your wife!