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RE: HOW TO SURVIVE A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER AND KEEP YOUR SANITY
I covered all the basis you mentioned in my first 40 years of life and finally had to leave my family when I turned 40, I'm still sad but not angry or hatefilled, which was the lesson I needed to learn in this life. My mother was my teacher in ways she could not understand. Excellent post friend @awakedev🌸🙏🌈
ah @reddust...no wonder I feel such a connection with you! And I have cultivated the same perspective - grateful for the lessons and what she was able to give knowing that I wouldn't be me without her. I too have very very little contact with my mother although I ache for her sometimes! xoxoox
I feel the connection too @natureofbeing, hypersensitivity/alertness is a survival skill I've learned to use rather than the behavior use me.
My Mom just passed last year and I hadn't seen her for almost 4 years after she was diagnosed with cancer growing around her heart. I said goodbye to her when she was diagnosed and felt no sadness at her passing, I let go of her over 20 years ago. I was the oldest and protected my sibs from the perverts and child molesters she attracted. All the women in my family have had issues with this type of man and it took years of therapy for me to develop boundaries and see a psychopath when I meet one. Psychopaths are attracted to narcissistic people and me and my sibs have narcissistic traits. I'm the only one in my family that has worked to let go of that type of conditioning. It's really difficult to do with a creative artistic personality all the women in my family are blessed/cursed with....
It's wonderful how well you've helped yourself! This is a major accomplishment in life and something to be very proud of! What you say here is SO insightful and I've never heard anyone articulate this concept of the unique dangers and challenges inherent in having an artistic temperament and hypersensitivity (among the blessings)) particularly when growing up with a narcissistic parent. I'm working on "using it" rather than "it using me" as well but I am not as far along with this as I'd like to be. Also something else I've noticed but never heard anyone else say until I read your comment is how as a child of a narcissist, you can take on narcissistic behaviors while not actually being a narcissist. I've seen it in myself, my siblings, my father and step-mother. In the case of my father I've watched him heal and transform going from being tyrannical to moving past these behaviors and becoming an open-hearted, loving, generous man in is 60s. Anyway, it always helps me to know there are others there on this particular path, thanks for your insights @reddust and @awakedev!
Thank you @natureofbeing🌸
Thank you @natureofbeing 🙏
Thanks @reddust for your comments, appreciated. Let me know if I can be of help. Take care 🙏
Thank you @awakedev, I've done lots of survivor work one on one with a ptsd specialist and closed group work years ago, also lots of vipassana meditation retreats with SN Goenka's community. I also changed my diet and exercise to deal with stress induced illnesses, which are in remission. His assistant teachers were amazing, I left my night terrors, anxiety and panic attacks go back in 1994. I've developed healthy coping skills and relationships too! I still get sad, stressed, and even angry sometimes but now I consider my emotions to be pretty normal compared to my mind state 25 years ago, this is a journey that will be ongoing until I pass away, I'm okay with that now.
Glad for you @reddust you didn't shy away from life's challenges and fought back to regain what was rightfully yours, a sense of self acceptance, self love and peace of mind. It takes courage to do what you did and at the same time is beautiful when someone like you rises above life's conditionings and becomes free.
yes so true!