It's One Of Those Days...
2 hours of sleep at best.
Work almost all day.
Everyone ticks you off and you are one "Sorry for stepping on you" before you convert to that other peaceful religion and "assimilate" everyone.
(Note: Is this consider "hate speech"? Am I going to J A I L ?)
So what do you do? You let it all out. By drinking coffee and listening to #000000 metal.
It's one of those days where you ARE the edge
I'll admit I am not the most lovey-dovey, doey, gay kind of guy. Even at my best days, I am somewhat angry. It is what it is. It's either that or I just slip into nihilism mode, which I don't particularly like.
I am not angry at someone or something in particular. Now that I think about it angry is not the most accurate word. Agressive sounds more like it. Inwardly, that is.
Are you that way? What do you think? It took me some time to realize it and I have a feeling many men (women have periods, so that's enough) have this, though it may be supressed and manifested as something else.
We conflate aggressiveness with "tough guys". It's not entirely wrong to equivocate the two, but I mentioned it is "inwards".
The perpetually angry people, the ones that are mad at the world and themselves, don't try to hide it. They let it all out.
Why?
They reframe every little inconvenience and slight disposition as a personal attack. They think they are above those minute things, so much that they can't even overcome them without blaming someone else.
Yes, blame. Angry people NEVER assume responsibility. They are pretty pathetic if you ask me. After a while, you feel kinda sorry for them. And if you have a ounce of character, you'll soon notice that you don't even handle angry people as equal human beings.
Funny isn't it? Angry people think they're above everyone else, because no one says no to them when they lash out, yet we just think they are inferior and their opinions don't really matter. So we let it slide.
Like having a kid and agreeing all the time because you can't be bothered to hear his bullshit.
But we are talking about inner intensity. That's quite distinguishable.
You can see it if you pay attention. It's not brute and solid, rather fluid. It transforms.
All of us has harnessed it one way or another. Think about it.
Think about the last time you did something you were proud of. What lead you to do that thing? What was the process behind it?
How did you feel?
When I wrote the first essay I was proud of, nothing could hold me back. I felt deep satisfaction. I was non hesitant AT ALL to share it with the world.
Looking back, I felt erratic, in a sense that my mind was moving in confined space, agressively, trying to find a way out, a way to express itself on paper.
I knew I had something important to say, because my inner self was screaming and motivating me. It was a metaphysical experience.
Creativity is destructive in that regard. I hope every one of you can experience the joy that comes from it.
Seems like I completely changed subjects 2-3 times this post. Oh what the hell, you will eat it up like you are a starving kid from Africa.
(Is THAT "hate speech"?)
-Thatredbeardguy
P.S- Its just one of those days
Where you don't want to wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want to justify
Rippin' someone's head off
I have more digital cocaine for you:
I also have a Twitter with 5 followers. It's a disgrace really...
This is becoming too weird. In the last week, every time I get on Steemit to read on my favourites bloggers, they wrote all the stuff I am thinking of. To hell with all these synchronicities.
I am also kind of angry guy. Mostly angry on myself. Not stupid enough to be happy, not heartless enough to make it.
The most annoying thing is, why the fuck I have to care? Caring sucks!
Nah, caring is a beautiful thing and I completely embrace it whenever it comes to me.
Caring to the expense of yourself...now that's something you have to reserve and hold, till you find someone willing to share the tragedy of betrayal.