It all started with our friend Carl (names changed to protect the innocent)…

OK. We’ll protect the guilty too (it’s my Canadian rearing showing),

Carl asked Doug if he could help him get a copy of his German birth certificate since it’s widely known that Doug frequently visits Paris. Carl was born in Germany to Polish parents, adopted, and raised in the US. He lost his original birth certificate in a fire set by his ex-wife. Since France borders Germany, and Doug doesn’t speak either French or German it should be fairly straight forward...
...Ah (cough cough) Right!

---

Doug found a German website that caters to this demand, clicked “translate” on google, filled out a request, and was charged the requisite 55 Euros. He quickly got a reply:





Which translates to:




The next day (before he could reply) a second email arrived requesting clarification of which of six different ways the last name was spelled since the name given wasn’t very Polish (and the small problem that the researcher believed that Doug was Carl and that Carl was living in Germany instead of the US).
It's not so bad! The researcher is getting right on it.

Now Carl’s address was changed to the States, but the researcher still believed she was writing to Carl.


So on September 12 (3 days later) Doug wrote back:


Then Doug waited… And checked the mail… He talked to the Postmistress…

---

A week later he sent:



Then Doug waited.. And checked the mail… And waited…
He got nothing so he sent another email:

---

Still no reply. What would you think? A scam? Doug waited another month then he called his credit card company and asked that they cancel the transaction. He found the researcher’s address on Google and also a nice website for the German police. He reported the incident (once again using the assistance of Google Translate). Two days later, the long-awaited reply was received:

---

Hmmm… If a complaint was made against someone in the US from someone overseas the cops might try to call the the 'presumed innocent' but would have let it slide if the someone didn’t answer the phone so it was a total surprise that the German Police ended up standing on her doorstep. I think I may be in love the Germans! That’s efficiency.


Doug thought it was all finished; however the researcher wasn’t through (and she still was under the impression that she was writing to Carl). She waited 4 days then Doug received this:



A reply? Wouldn’t that be escalating a bad situation? He conscientiously returned her email the same day:

---

I'd say that sounds reasonably and satisfactorily concluded, Yes? Maybe not. The same day he received:



Oh! They wait 2 months before answering every email sent to them! That explains everything! The reply short, sweet, and oh so reasonable (as Doug is apt to do):

---

Will it stop there?
Will she call our local cops?
Will she simply teach him some German foul language?
It’s been 10 days and Doug has yet to find out. The birth certificate is still in New York City for reasons known only to the US Postal Service.

---

---

Read on at: