A few steps to awakening and how I got none of them but hey, that's life.
Someone posted somewhere a thing about what begins to happen once you are "awaken" or I guess mature evolved zen whatever you wanna call it.
I was excited to read them as I KNEW I will check at least half.
.
.
.
Cue to being 0/9 and crying.
Rough awakening huh....
But then my confidence was based on nothing because deep down I might have known anyway that while I do read and think about this, my actual reactions and behavior do not change as much.
I think one of the reasons is that I am too attached to my own toxicty and I am not sure if they define to the point of...well, am I still me if I'm not a self-hating asshole? Dunno, doesn't sound like me.
But then I do realize that all this is just my ego struggling against change.
However, I am confident that CHANGE is close and my EGO can go fk himself off.
Soon.
PS: how many do you check from the list and how did you get there?!
Dunno, but it don't seem like all that self-hating is doing you much good. Why read such stuff and compare yourself with others? You should strive to be happy by your own rules. Seriously, a checklist found on Facebook or wherever designed to make some people feel better bout themselves shouldn't be enough to make you feel shitty.
You're the only one who can bring about change and constantly sabotaging yourself and thinking you don't measure up ain't gonna do it.
Sorry for being blunt...
You do have a point.
However.
What you're saying is that the whole wisdom of people who lived and thought and wrote about this is meaningless and YOU know better. The hubris of this statement is staggering and is a telltale of ignorance. You should always strive to learn and educate yourself and meditate on concepts and ideas. Sure, in the end, you will chose for yourself. But first you gotta know them or else you're just a walking simpleton that thinks it knows better beacause it knows nothing.
Of course, not saying that's what you do, but it's a slippery slope that one must think of imho.