When men fail to perform in bed - my thoughts

Or as I call it, getting the droop.

I haven’t seen many articles about this, ever, so I thought I’d start my own, and hopefully create some awareness around the issue because it’s seriously stigmatised in social circles, which leads on to further ‘droop’ in my opinion.

Your partner is laying there, her glistening body waiting to consume you on every level imaginable, the very sight of her naked flesh and her eroticised posture usually sends you in a headspin of horniness that would drive even the most detached man wild, you crave her soul, you want her passion, you start to stroke her body, feel her presence, embrace her very being..

..and nothing

Percy fails to pop out of his slumber for the party. He’s having none of it. And he falls back into hibernation, leaving you a half man, a mere shadow of yourself, your masculinity threatened, now thinking back to all the jokes the guys make in the locker room about ‘not getting it up’ and the snorts and laughter and oh god knows what else.

First of all. Fuck them. They’ve all had it, and the guys that laugh and exert the failure more as if it was a slant on masculinity in it’s essence probably have it worse than any others. It’s similar to the age old saying that those who talk about sex more probably are getting less than most, which in itself isn’t a bad thing, but you get the idea. When I first met my wife, at 27, it was my first ever serious relationship, so I speak from 27 and onwards, although I do expect it happens much earlier than me, and it’s totally natural.

Us guys and our locker-room chat, it’s seriously a risk to our health I swear. The big dudes that shout the loudest are always the one’s that are fucked up the most, with the most problems, everywhere, and we quieter guys look up to them in awe, as if they have everything sorted in it’s entirety, but they don’t. They’re just as fucked up as us, they just mask it by screaming about their perfectionism as a defence mechanism

I remember the first time it happened to me, not being able to get it up. Most of the time I’m fine, but there are times when life gets in the way, there are external stressors that are just on my mind at the time. I think the first time it happened to me I had a massive project at work and oh wow did the stress consume me at the time, I was thinking and stressing about it constantly, and when I went on to have my wicked way with the wife, because let’s be honest, sex is a great de-stressor, I was limper than a three legged dog. And this, for me, was new!

It’s funny, but my wife seemed to know more about this than I did, she was fine about it, she just rolled over and was like, “It’s ok honey, we’ll try again tomorrow, it happens”, but for me it was a total slant to my masculinity, my very essence. I couldn’t get my head around it, how I could be totally up for the idea of sex on the night yet be limper than a one legged war veteran, and the shame that I felt, the complete failure, and the thoughts of my weediness that must be going through my partners head in the moment – which really weren’t, but I was the king of assumption. And the more I worried about it the less erect I became. It was like a complete downward spiral.

Over the years I’ve learned to live with it. It doesn’t happen much, but it does and I’ve learned that it’s natural. And the more weight I put on the issue the more likely it is to happen. You see, stress is a big factor on this, but there are other things in a relationship, worklife, or just generally that can contribute not getting an erection, and it’s totally natural. Sometimes we’re just too tired, sometimes our bosses have been coming down on us like a two ton truck, sometimes we’re in the middle of moving house or literally a plethora of life related things.

Fact of the matter is, is that it happens, and you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s natural to have a day or two out of regularity.

Stop worrying.