RE: What I Learned from Giving Up Alcohol for One Year (Therapy Thursday)
That was a very honesty post, thank you. I know you're not justifying the behaviour when you say that it might be what you needed, but that's a great way to understand it. We all have things in our past we would change, but then we're not sure if we would have ended up being better off, sometimes it seems to be the only way to cope.
When I suffered through depression, I looked forward for Saturday night clubbing and binge-drinking. Sure, half the times alcohol made me more depressed and I ended up being worse, but somehow I was out of touch with my depression for some of that time. And as bad as that may be, I still think it's better than if I stayed home defeated and let depression be the winner. Luckily, once I got out of depression, I stopped drinking altogether (since I know one drink may lead to many and that leads to consequences). I truly appreciate your honesty!
Exactly. I only drank at night, just before bed. I have been dealing with the ramifications of years and years of sexual abuse as a child and night time was always the worst. The insomnia and anxiety was horrible. Even by the time I'd conquered those demons (at least mostly), the drinking to 'chill' at the end of the night was a deeply ingrained habit. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I guess it took me a long time to actually quit for longer than just a few months at a time.
Depression is so hard to deal with, because it really does just deceive your brain as to what is real and what isn't. It just makes everything in the moment feel like the worst thing ever.
I had those earlier years of binge drinking and clubbing, too, but then spent my entire 20's having babies and breastfeeding and being all healthy granola mommy type... then the reality of ignoring my issues hit, I guess.
I really appreciate your comment and your support.