The scars of life cover us my dear but we have to be careful that they don't become scabs on our hearts. For then they numb our emotions.
I see here that your emotions are still alive and well little soldier and that you are brave enough to try and heal yourself.
In my own case I find my healing in helping others.
And there is nothing wrong in being wanting just to be held, even if it is only sometimes.
I hope and pray that you will win the battle.
Blessings!