Naked Boundaries

“Love and acceptance know no boundaries.”

This is a common quote among nudists and other free thinkers. however this is not entirely true. Boundaries are healthy and necessary in all of life, especially in nudist life.
My recent visit to a nudist club (and indeed my first in a dozen years) was marred by a guy (we’ll call him J) who couldn’t respect boundaries.

About five minutes after meeting him he had already told me three times he was gay, as if i could not tell by his partner. Whatever floats your boat was my thought. I was not there for sex, so it really didn’t matter a lick to me what his preferences were. We talked all afternoon and into the evening, he was a nice enough guy, and we seemed to hit it off well.

As the night continued, and as more drinks were consumed, he got a bit more friendly and began to get handsy. He tried to play footsie with me under the table, and said suggestive things. I was uncomfortable, but since we were with others and we were all laughing, I didn’t make a deal out of it. I just moved my foot away and began to nurse my drinks and be more aware of my surroundings.

When the couple at the table left, I excused myself to the fire pit where there were more people. Of course J followed but I managed to get a seat around the fire that was not next to him. My boundaries were secure for a time.

Everyone went to bed super early at this club! As a result, there ended up being four of us around the fire, me, J, his partner, and a fourth dude who I knew was married with two kids. I figured this dude would be a buffer. He had kinda given off a creepy vibe all weekend, but i chalked it up to my inexperience with social nudist etiquette. Maybe he was acting normal and i was just the weird one? What happened next corrected that thinking.

After sitting quietly for awhile around the fire I happened to glance over and notice the married man sitting next to J. J was lightly stroking his penis. And he was not stopping it.
I decided that it was time for bed. The entire weekend had been great up to J showing up and sexualizing everything. Now there was overt sexual contact going on, a huge rules violation and a major breach of my boundaries. J announced that he would walk me back to my site. I told him i was fine and started walking. He followed.

I tried to play it cool at my site, putting out my sleeping bag and telling him quite clearly that i was going to sleep.

“Please.” He begged.
“No bro, I’m not here for that.”
“Please.”

I more firmly shut him down. He collapsed. He was sobbing. He began to berate himself, saying how awful he was and how much he hated himself.

I have never dealt with something like that. My compassionate nature kicked in and I tried to comfort him. He tried to kiss me. He said he wanted “suck (my) cock”. He told me my wife wouldn’t know.

He passed out drunk next to my van. I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I pitied J, he was a disaster. But I didn’t want to be around him because he violated me. I went to bed.

He woke me up several hours later and asked if we had had sex. My answer seemed a slight relief. He freaked out and asked me to call his partner, who had vanished sometime in the night. No answer. He wandered off, and I heard him talking to someone about being left there. I don’t know where he went after that, but the next morning I was up before anyone and all that was left of him were his sandals. I made some coffee at the clubhouse, woke up a little, put my spare tire on (I hit a nail somewhere in the club), and left.

I know I should have done everything differently. But I am not the best at boundaries. And I expect the best of people, especially nudist people. In my naivete I let him push me around.

But I should have known, as soon as he defined himself by his sexuality, that perhaps he was not there for the purest reasons. Political correctness might call me a homophobe for saying this, but sexuality of any type has no place in nudism. It’s one thing to say “hi, I am so and so and here is my partner” and leave it at that, but to constantly go back to “I’m gay” demonstrates that sex is really what you are all about. Swingers are the same way. During my previous visit to a club we were given a tour of the manager’s house. They had an entire shelf of sex toys prominently displayed. The “tour” was designed to signal to us what they were about. While they didn’t outright say it, there was no legitimate reason to show us their home except to show us their “collection”.

Boundaries are vital to healthy living. One of the most prominent boundaries in nudism is “no overt sexual behavior”. In this #MeToo age it is imperative that nudists make this boundary known and enforced. If I was not an experienced nudist, or was a female, or a way more easily offended man, my experience could have led to charges pressed and a lawsuit. If I was a first time nudist that may have completely turned me off to it. I may have told my friends and colleagues never to try it. I may have gone public and denounced the whole movement.

I realize that with this post I am going public. But my intent is not to besmirch the entire nudist community. My intent is to point out the bad apples and make us more aware that if we intend to make nudism and nudity more acceptable in a culture inundated with sexual harassment and assault we need to rid ourselves of the people who make everything about sex.

“Love and acceptance know no boundaries ” is a quaint saying, but it’s dangerous. In reality, acceptance means that I don’t care who you have sex with, but you don’t have to remind me every two minutes. Love means that I can still have conversations with you, but you need to respect that I don’t want physical contact, and certain words and phrases are best left unsaid.

Respect my boundaries and I will respect you, I will accept you, and I will love you.