Mirror and Freedom

I have made a terrible mistake, a sin, brother, if i ever had you, even for a brief moment, even for an egoist moment, would you be able to look me in the eyes, would you be able to find me and free me? I don’t know if this will ever reach you, i tried so hard for it to reach me, however i am certain now that it won’t, and, even though i don’t believe in hope, there’s no better word now to describe my desire for this to reach you. If, by any chance, this reaches you, then please, come and free me, for i lost everything to do it myself.

I was scared, so scared, so much that it became a way of living, there was no other feeling that could validate my existence, breathing was no more an assertion to be alive, i had to feel something, anything, and fear was the only thing to bargain. I gave it my whole life, and in turn, it gave me the validation that would make me feel alive, as long as i could feel it, i could feel my life, for i could not feel life itself.

I lost myself Brother, i had everything i was searching for, everything i was desperate for, everything my eyes bled for, and in the end, it was nothing at all.

I could not fill myself, as i was chasing for freedom, nothing but emptiness could fill me, silence was the only sound i could hear, i was deaf from morning until the world’s sleeping time. I was blind Brother, i couldn’t even see our Mother’s beauty in daytime, all i could was to remember, for all i could see from sunrise until sunset, was darkness. I could not see when the right path when all of it was bathing on the sun’s bright light, i could only see when the darkness would come, but there was not any path anymore, i would just roam, and roam, without destiny, desiring, desiring without care.

I did it Brother, i filled myself;

I did it Mother, let me look at you;

Father, how proud are you?

Tell me Father, how proud are you?

Why isn’t no one answering, i am starting to see the light, the world is waking up, Father, Father is that you? Father why are you so skinny? Brother? who is it? Mother, Mother?

I could finally see, Brother, i could finally see. I cried, i felt more than i wanted to, and i saw what i didn’t. I saw myself, in a mirror.

This is not our house Brother, this is not where we grew up, where is my Mother and Father’s house Brother? Where is My Mother and Father? Where are you Brother? Where am I?

What have i done to myself Mother?

What have i turned myself into Father?

I have everything Brother, i am a King now, i have everything… Everything but not all of you. I am sorry Father, i was consumed by thoughts, i didn’t want to fail as your son, i wanted to give you all you ever wished in your life, i wanted to be your pride.

I am so sorry Mother, i had gambled my vision to a certainty that i would see your beauty through golden eyes, but it was all lies. I would have done anything to not be afraid, but now it is all i feel.

What is freedom Brother? Have i interpreted it wrong? I thought freedom was happiness, i thought freedom was not being afraid. I was so wrong Brother, it is all a prison, we just don’t see it easily, as we get what we desire, as we fulfill our dreams or goals, we have these delusions of freedom, but we’re just transitioning from a prison to another. And at some point we become so blind, so dominated, that we don’t even notice the cage anymore, at some point the cage won’t even be closed.

I am sorry family, i am late, i didn’t realize in time.

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It’s been so long Brother, i am not well, i keep hearing these whispers calling my name, every single one of them coming from the same mirror here. Sometimes, i think it’s not me in the mirror, sometimes i think it slightly moves himself, last time i looked at myself, i felt like i was the one being looked at. I am not well Father.

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I feel like I’m losing myself Mother, i am often losing track of time now, sometimes i wake up on my dining table with meals prepared, and i feel like I have been eating without being conscious about it. I feel like i am slowly losing control and i don’t know to whom. I keep hearing the voices more and more, and everytime it leads me to the mirror, they are screaming how worthless i have become.

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I don’t want to hear them anymore, i don’t want feel this anymore, they are laughing at me. I feel like i am going insane, now everytime i look at the mirror, he’s sitting down, he says it is all my fault, he says if only i had accepted the course of all and stop thinking so much, maybe i would have seen you Mother, maybe i would have kept seeing you Mother. I can’t do this anymore, how can i shut everything, why have i done all of this? Was it all meaningless Father? Was i that horrible of a son? I was, i remember that, but wish i forgot.

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I broke it today Brother, i couldn’t bare hearing him again, i couldn’t bare hearing me again. I broke the mirror, i didn’t think it was going to fix anything, it made things worse, now i can’t even count the amount of voices and where are they coming from, i believe its coming from each of mirror’s shards, and they’re all saying the same thing.

“Take one, and do it”.

I’m on my knees, with a shard on my hand. I finally remember, i know why haven’t you all answered my callings, you’re all… You’re all… What a life i had. What a King i am.

I hope i can see you Mother;

I hope i can hug you Father;

I hope i can laugh with you Brother.

“Take one, and be free”.

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Mirror: Finally, you’ve finally heard me, now sleep and, let me take it from here.