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RE: Why "Fear" Is Not A Valid Excuse In Life.
It is obvious from your description what your boyfriend is getting out of the relationship. But what are you getting out of it? What's your payoff?
"Hell, most people refuse to take responsibility. Instead, they blame someone else." Isn't that just a little ironic for you to say? From your description, it is you enabling him to not face his fears and to not get a job. So why blame him?
There is a good chance, judging from the literature on co-dependency, that if he ever did come up with the initiative to go out and start something....... then you two would break up. Soon you would be in a relationship with another guy with no prospects.
Your path forward is to work on yourself, not try to change him.
Wow! I didn't think about it that way. I have tried not to "enable" Him.
We do not live together, And I still expect him to pay his half of the dates. Which he has done that. But I'm thinking about the future here, And I'm not afraid to cut him lose if necessary, If it means accomplishing my bigger goals in life.
We actually aren't really talking right now because of it.
I need to look into this Co dependency you've brought up, I've researched it a little bit. But I'm not sure what you are getting at as far as him going out and getting something, Would end our relationship. If I tend to lean towards dating guys with no prospects, I need to figure out how to change that.
Thank you for your input! You gave me a lot of think about :)
It is a well known pattern in co-dependency research. A woman will be married to a drunk for 20 years, nagging him daily to quit. But, when he hits bottom (or gets the initiative somehow), and sobers up, they break up and she forms a relationship with new drunkard or drug addict who she can spend her time blaming instead of doing the inner work to find out what she is not facing in herself.
(I was a drug addict in a toxic relationship, so I do have a clue)
Wow! That is terrifying, I need to look into resolving this! I wouldn't want to keep that trend going. I need to figure out what that could be! Thank you for this!