The Final Minutes of 2016
December 31, 2016 11:55 p.m.
This party will definitely go down in the history books. No amount of booze will ever help me forget this event. At least the chair is comfortable. I should have went over to Jay's place instead. Why must I always be a sucker for a pretty face.
Just come to my party she said, it'll be fun she said. That has become the funniest she said joke I have ever heard, yet I'm still not able to laugh. There are five women here, me, and nobody speaks. I think the cat made more noise. I can't speak to them without interrupting something. One laugh within the past hour, that's all I've heard. They've been staring at their phones all night, in near silence. One won't stop taking selfies.
I should have brought my laptop along. Maybe I'll just stare at the clock.
I bet they won't even notice the time. Five more minutes of this. I'll yell Happy New Year! I bet they'll scream and drop their phones.
I better not do that.
That was fast. Good. Four more minutes. That's, let me see. Sixty seconds times four. Only two hundred forty more seconds.
When it's midnight, I'll get up, maybe make some sort of noise. Probably a good stretch with a sigh, maybe a groan. Then I'll pretend to notice the time and calmly say look ladies, it's new years, we almost missed it! Happy New Year!
Yeah, that should work. If they notice, cool, I'll stick around for a few minutes, wait for the silence, pretend I'm tired, and leave. I'm sure everyone will be going hard at Jay's still. I'll head over there, hopefully be there before 1:00 a.m. It's on the way home anyway.
Come on, hurry up.
I can't believe they served nonalcoholic wine and different juices in fancy bottles. Next time someone says we'll provide the drinks, I'll be asking what kind. Nope, not falling for that one again. Probably for the best though. Driving won't be a problem.
Crap, there's probably police everywhere. Maybe I'll take the side streets as much as possible. Stupid check stops and roadblocks.
I'm hungry. I should grab a donair at that new place. Man, those things are so good. Spicy sauce this time though. It's New Years... gotta have fireworks.
My eyes are bugging out. I need to remember to blink when I stare at clocks.
I wonder if time goes slower or faster or stays the same. Maybe if I look away, look at their glowing faces, then back at the clock, it will be 11:59...
Well, it was worth a shot. So hungry, so bored. I should fart. I've been holding this one in for far too long. What if it's too loud though, then they look at me and then look at the clock, and then remember me as the guy who rang in the new year with a fart. Or what if it's quiet and sticks to me. One of them might be a hugger and squeeze it out of my shirt. I don't want to be the guy who smelled like shit. These chairs are leather.
I better not do that.
I feel weird. Are these gas pains...
What the Hell is Going On
Man. What's this doing.
Where... Why? No...
Yes!
These Aren't My Hands
Wuh shappening tuh mee...
January 1, 2017 11:55 a.m.
Must have been a good party last night. How did I get way out here in the country. I still feel drunk.
Did I drink? Everything looks strange. I'm still trippin? Did I...
Did I drive out here? 
Where am I? Wow. What the hell happened last night...
End
The bright side-- it's only like the 30th of Dec... you could still catch that other party
Happy new year tho, thanks for the merriment
Damn. I think my wall calendar is defective.
You know... I did the same thing last year too. When will I learn...
Happy New Year! ... again.
Trippy. And futuristic...hope that's not a premonition of your weekend ;)
I won't be anywhere near anything even remotely exciting and/or hard to forget without help this weekend!
thanks for making me feel better about our non-plans for that evening... i don't think i want to go to a party now...
It's only a story! ...but it's true. You never know what's in the punch bowl! Happy New Year!
It was more the sitting around staring at cell phones that bummed me out. In my day {spoken in four Yorkshiremen voice} it wasn't a party unless you danced all night, went home at 4am, then got up for work at 7am. Though there was a tendency among the men of standing around staring at their beers. Happy New Year to you too.
I had a couple of not so unsimilar moments like that in my younger years. Good story.
The truth is... I think this story required more tags. Funny would have been one of them along with offcolorhumor. Some may be sensitive to the subject matter but sometimes humor helps. It's funny but it makes you think at the same time.