F*ck Bananas!
Do you like bananas?
I love bananas.
And now, I'll teach you how to love bananas!
![NoNamesLeftToUse - Bananas.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXGTgym2apZqaZxPoZJVsk1C2LgXbwKGnLnQ5NDam8fdp/NoNamesLeftToUse%20-%20Bananas.jpeg)
Some people on this planet are sick of the same old shit day after day; I'm one of them.
I'm bored of crackers. It's been like that for a long time now. I've been yearning for something more exotic for many months and I think I finally found a way to please my innermost desirable beast.
I tried different things with watermelon.
I tried to be creative with pears.
I see some of these pictures on the internet of what people do with their fruits and snacks and wonder; why can't I do that?
They make it look so easy. I follow the directions, check with other sources and gather second, sometimes third opinions. I mix ideas together, but nothing I do ever feels right. Something is missing.
Enter, The Banana
Best thing that ever happened to me!
Most people think there's only one way to enjoy their banana.
The traditional approach of pulling back the peel and of course inserting the fruit into the mouth is good for some, I guess. That method doesn't really get me excited though. I know a better way.
Sometimes great ideas simply fall into the mind from above after things go wrong. Quick thinking. Ingenuity. Improvisation. That's how all good ideas get their start.
So I was down to my last banana after experimenting all day. My last chance.
Then
tragedy struck.
I tried to rip open the peel but this banana wrapper was defective. The tip bent then became soggy and flexible. The more I pulled, the worse it got. There was no way inside this banana, I thought, until I noticed a knife sitting on the counter.
That knife changed my life, forever.
The best way to prepare a banana:
- Cut one of the ends off with a knife.
- With a spoon, hollow out the inside, keep the peel intact.
- Place the scoops of fruit into a bowl, save for later.
Now you're ready to fuck your banana. Gently insert your penis into the hollowed out banana and slide it back and forth until climax.
Cleanup is a breeze and good for the environment at the same time.
Conclusion
Gotcha!
Have a nice day. ![linebreak1](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/http://i.imgur.com/RhgHUmy.jpg)
![linebreak1](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/http://i.imgur.com/RhgHUmy.jpg)
Disclaimer: I am not a fucking banana expert. This is not fucking banana advice. Fuck bananas at your own risk.
![linebreak1](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/http://i.imgur.com/RhgHUmy.jpg)
![NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRVnycGuKWTrnHcWomQddWka2MR2Z6AXP4GYry1tG3X4E/NoNamesLeftToUse%20Outro.png)
For me it's better to leave the banana in, just sayin'...not that I've had that much experience you understand.
Also, for you larger guys, you might try plantain...not that I've had that much experience with those either.
This is good advice. Not like I'm going try it or anything. Just saying, if I put myself in those shoes, it would sound reasonable because it makes sense, I think. That's good information to have here. Thanks and I hope it helps people someday, because this is important, and helpful, probably.
I foresee a run on bananas today in the stores.
And many men calling work to tell them they can't make it in today.
I'm feeling a little under the weather myself
Stealing my ideas, I see. Although I suppose it's not entirely your fault - one can't truly look at a banana without getting some form of perverted idea.
And I don't really mind, 'cause I think you did it slightly better.
Really. I'm not in the least bit upset, or jealous, or annoyed, or...
Has anyone seen my chainsaw?
Also: What, exactly, have you been up to with watermelons? I'm getting kinda scared here.
I'm not 100% sure but I think there's an episode of Dr Phil that includes a woman angry with her ex husband because she caught him fucking the bananas. I know I've heard of a dude fucking bananas but I think I saw it on a "try not to laugh" youtube video where they continuously show five second clips of absurd things. I didn't even see your banana post.
I don't want to talk about the watermelon incident...
Oh please. Sure, you didn't.
And how bad can the whole watermelon thing have been? Surely not worse than the chainsaw incident. Or the pennies one. Or various other embarrassing stories you've made up about yourself.
And don't worry. It can't be worse than what I once caught a guy doing with a dragonfruit.
"I am not a fucking banana expert. This is not fucking banana advice. Fuck bananas at your own risk."
But do you at least have enough experience to tell us if you consider it worth the risk?
I've personally put a lot of money into this. That friendly cashier at the store already says, "Oh look who it is! Hello again Mr Bananas. Find everything you're looking for?" What you do with your money is up to you though. It's not my fault if you have to tell the guy at the bank you fuck bananas and can't afford to pay for the house. I suppose for an added layer of protection, one could combine this approach with Durex. Really, the sky's the limit but if you can't fly, don't jump.
Hi @nonameslefttouse, is there anything smaller than a banana I can do this with as I found it was too big and it was like inserting my penis in to my wife. thank you in advance
hehe
Maybe try a kumquat. I'm sure that name is trying to tell us something. If it starts to burn though, have some butter handy and rub that in real good. Maybe ask your wife for help. By the sounds of it, she might know a thing or two about cucumbers.
I think she knows more about sacks of potatoes because that is what it is like giving her one hehe. :D
All I had was an avocado, and it was fairly unsatisfying to be honest.
You'll get used to it. Don't give up.
Ohhhh, this is what it means to go bananas, makes so much sense now!! 'Course this is a horribly sexist post which means that is a sexist saying. For shame.
A friend sent me a video which will explain why my mind went there LOL!
Once you go bananas, you never go back.
Oh my goodness. Did you just fuck a banana @nonameslefttouse. Now ill have to think of your penis going back and forth in it anytime i wanna eat one.
Yup. I changed bananas forever. They'll never be the same.
You sure did. Dammit. I'll stick with plantain.
I know many people turn to God on Sundays, but this sounds like way more fun!🍌
I'm pretty sure this is why god made bananas. We've just been doing it wrong.
Oh man... who's gonna tell the Pope?
Banana Program Week 8 Winner!
What the hell is the banana program anyway?
I hoped you knew, so I wouldn't have to be the one to tell you.
https://steemit.com/partiko/@stellabelle/banana-program-new-steem-project-designed-for-bored-humans
Read at your own risk. No insult was intended. No banana was raped in the making of this comment.
That's clever; nobody suspects the guy buying bananas. They're high in potassium, after all! Plus, a banana will never get tired, or have a headache, or be "not in the mood right now," or ask you why you're spending so much time in front of the computer, or run off with a co-worker 10 years her junior, or demand a divorce...
I think you're really onto something here. F*ck Bananas, indeed.
One could probably fuck a banana every single day for less than thirty dollars per month. This idea will give Tinder a run for it's money so they better start looking into finding more fruits.