You have captured perfectly the realities for children of narcissists!! I know this well from the inside too. One thing that really freed me up from the guilt trip involved in my decision to stop trying to help her and meet her needs first was when a therapist told me that nothing I could do could would ever be enough for her. I couldn't possibly fix her nor really even help her very much so I might as well focus my relationship with her on taking care of myself and giving where I wish, and basically make the relationship work for me. I have and mostly it works for me but sometimes I get sucked in to hoping for a little love or acknowledgement or something motherly from her and I have to snap back in to reality. Thanks for a thoughtful and excellent post!