Cry For Love

Do you understand love when I want him to come to fill my empty space of heart? Did he know when I miss him so much to accompany me in a tortured silence? Do you understand him when I call his name to feel that I want to talk to him?
Was he sick when he could not understand what I was thinking? Was he sick when he could not read my mind? Does he hurt when he can not understand what I want? Does he hurt when I do not know I miss him? '

I sat there staring at the blue book in my hand. I closed it roughly. Then I lifted my hand to cover my face while sobbing occasionally.

I feel how the pain of my heart loves without being loved by him. How fun to admire himself without ever getting replied by him. And preoccupied with my own mind filled with false hopes that could inflict me easily. Made me crash in one blow. Instantly took me to the world of my downturn.

I wish I could avoid you being present in my life. If only I could prevent the feeling you were carrying and infiltrate into my heart. I wish I had not been immersed in your charmed cradle and could not wake from the realm of my dream that so deceived me. If only I had not obeyed my conscience who gave a million thoughts about you that I would never have.

I'm still sobbing in my pain that is so bitter and can not be remedied even though a thousand time I've been through. I still feel the pain that makes me sad in every imagination that made me soar.

I lowered my hand and looked back as a hand touched my shoulder and squeezed it.

"Lya." The crisp, flat voice I hear in my ears makes me even more painful.

I saw her sitting quietly beside me. There was a charm from him that amazed me and could not resist the charm. There is a jet that is able to make me magnetized into the many angan that continue to cover me.

"How are you?" He asked by turning to me and looking at me intently.

'Bad! Very bad! And do you know that it's all happened to you! '

"Good. Very good."
I cursed myself. Why those words that come out of my mouth! I'm too cowardly to say it. I'm too scared to accept the fact that I can not say it.

"In that case, good. That's what I was hoping for, "she said in a cold tone.

'No! It is not good! Precisely this is bad! Very bad! Why are you still blinding your eyes to see into my heart? Why do you still cover your ears to hear the screams of my heart that keep calling your name? Why do you still turn away from me when you know that I'm here, in front of you. '

"Tomorrow I will go to London to continue my study. Mom and dad have agreed to my decision. "

'Do not! Do not go! Do not leave me with this painful feeling! Please look at me just this once. '

"What time are you leaving?"

"At eight o'clock."

The next second was the silence that enveloped both of us. We were preoccupied with our own thoughts. Throwing a look ahead, dusk where the sun goes down into the night. Not a word I put out to calm my heart. In fact I did not dare to forbid him to go.

Night becomes quiet in the heart of the wounded. Solitude becomes an endless remorse. Until the following nights were present, nothing meant anything. Just an ordinary night that never starred. Dark night that is not illuminated by the brightness of the full moon. The dark nights in a blackened heart because of the scratches that scratched them.
This is where I stand. In the never-ending waiting. In a time that I can not remember when I started waiting for him. In loyalty demanding a tired termination. In an anxious feeling of thinking he will come back to me quickly, back in his loving love who loves him without ever getting tired and intending to turn away from him.

I saw the smile that over the last four years I missed. The smile I had only been able to see through my dreams. Smile that has never changed from since I knew him. The smile that still exudes its charm that easily makes me drunk in his love.

I saw his right hand lifted up, he waved at me in the crowds of people at the airport. His left hand was carrying his backpack. He ran to where I was. Greeted my body and carried it into his arms. Stroked my head gently.

"I miss you," she said with a laugh that still sounds as crisp as ever. "I miss home. And what I miss the most and want the first time I meet is you. "

For a moment I felt a slight whirring creeping inside my body. Makes my body stiff for a while. It was as if I had awoken awake that I thought I had awakened from a dream world, but in fact I was still asleep in my dreams.

The next second I felt the real world again. I hugged him tightly. Eliminate the dream world and welcome the real world that can not unite with the dream world.

"Welcome back." I say cheerfully.

He let go of his embrace and looked at me deeply. His right hand touched my forehead as his gaze did not move from my eyes. I'm glad he did that. Look at me without switching from my eyes. As if I could get into his black and clear eyes. As if I could enter his mind and heart, though the reality is not.

"You're still the same. Still beautiful and always amaze me with your shining face. Light up my dark heart. "

"And you're still the same as ever. It's still the person I love the most. "

'And always I love!'

He pulled me back and took me into his arms. And now his hugs are getting tighter ... And warm.I looked silent in my destruction. There was a tremendous pain when I saw that he was laughing intently at a cafe with a girl I knew was in his heart. A drop of tears streamed into a small stream on my cheek. With my mouth locked, I still looked at him with sad feelings.

His heavy hand that always touched me, now stroked the hair of another girl in front of him. Soothing, clear eye that always looked at me closely, now looking naughty at the girl in front of her. The crisp smile he always gave me, now he gave to another girl in front of him.

I hate to see all that. I wanted to grab the girl's hair for taking my beloved from my hand. I want to drag the girl away from her. I want to do it.

But the other side of my heart could not do it. The other side of my heart warned me, 'Who am I in his eyes!'

Warm water seeped into the corner of my eye to make my eyes feel hot. My heart beat fast. Makes my chest feel very painful to keep the shameless wound from penetrating into my heart.

'Do you realize he made me cry? Did he realize that he had injured my heart? Did he really make me hurt? Do you realize he has scratched my heart with his daggers that he hid under his clothes? '

"Sorry miss. Can I help you? "I lowered my hands and turned to the origin of the sound. I saw a pair of middle eyes staring at me gently with compassion. "Sorry, if I disturb. But I see if you're sad. May I know why you are crying? "

I looked at him hoping he would not interfere with anyone else's business. But apparently he did not leave me.

"Well if you do not want to tell it. Introduce my name, Gio. "He sat down on the bench next to me. "If you want to reduce your burden by telling your heart's content, I am ready to be a faithful listener."I looked at him coldly with my eyes still red and puffy. Hoping that the uninformed man was out of my way.

"Sorry, I do not need that. I think I still have friends I can make my vent. "I stood reluctantly and picked up the bag and jacket I had printed on the table. And leave him with a smile engraved on his face while supporting his chin and shaking his head slowly.

"Strange," the last word I still hear on the sidelines of my departure.

I saw a thin drizzle descending from the deep blue sky without leaning against the glass window with my arms crossed. The water point that makes the leaves wet in the branches. Raises a beautiful gurgling sound like a symphony that melts in the heart of the heart. Splurging his own silent heart is no friend.

'Will I like them? Who always gives a smile to the leaves even though it makes him wet? Will I be like those who are always missed when the sun shines on the earth with a hot ray? Will I be like them? Who can paint a rainbow in the blue sky after his departure? '

I sighed softly. Trying to get rid of fatigue in my mind. Lean my head against the wall and I slowly closed my eyes. Trying to feel every falling drizzle sounds about the leaves.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

My reverie was split by the sound of my cell phone. Instantly I moved from the front window and grabbed my cell phone that I put on the bed. At a glance I see the name of mama is on the phone screen.

"Hello. Mama?"

"Dear. Where are you now? Can you pick up Mama? "

Mother's voice sounded tired and crowded voice, like in the mall.

"Yes. Now where are you? "

"You just come to the mall. Mama's here. "

After talking, Mom hastily turned off her phone line. Occasionally I sigh. Not because I did not want to pick up mama, but I felt the fatigue that really made me sway to the fall.

Continued…