Trophy Wife

Hey honey, I'm home.

I closed the door behind me and smiled winsomely at the Good Lady.

Oh hey, guy. Why you smiling like that? Did you win the lottery or something?

My smile grew broader until it enveloped my entire head. Somewhere, the opening notes of Beat It started thumping.

I tilted my head backward and looked down my slender yet well proportioned noise at her and started jinking my shoulders back and forth.

The Good Lady's eyes narrowed and she started to breathe deep like a horse on the wrong side of a river.

Sinuously, I slung my hips from side to side, sashaying my way over to her.

She dropped the Little Boom, wah'ing to the floor and stood to meet me. Her nostrils flaring and her lips a-whinny at my majesty.

Better than the lottery, baby.

I murmured as I swayed in time to the music which only existed in my head.

What? What is it?

The Good Lady gasped, captivated by the awesome musk that was exuding from my pores.

I won an award today.

I said, acting casual as if I were a dog sitting on a shredded cushion and my owner has just arrived home.

An award!! Oh my god, that's amazing!! You're amazing!!

She stepped in close and kissed me, hard.

Yup. Pretty amazing, that's me.

I pulled back from the kiss and flicked imaginary fluff from my shoulder.

What was the award for?

She clasped her hands together and gazed at me adoringly.

Shucks, it was nothing really.

I shrugged as if I weren't immensely proud of yet another award bestowed upon my mighty shoulders.

Tell me! Tell me!

The Good Lady jumped up and down excitedly.

It was a SCUM-BAG-AWARD for STEEM-POWER-ABUSE.

I said proudly.

The Good Lady gasped and took a step back in awe. Her eyes roved wantonly over my body.

Looks like I got myself a trophy wife!

She exclaimed as she started to paw at me dementedly.

You're amazing. I'm so bloody proud.

Pausing, she chewed her bottom lip in that way that anyone who had watched any teen movie would recognise.

Her hands grabbed my lapels fiercely.

Let's make MORE babies. Now. Let's fill the world with award winning little Booms!!

Her eyes shone like steem silver rounds.

In return, I grinned like an award winning man about to get his marshmallows toasted.

Yes. Let's do it!!

Somewhere far away, a saxophonist stubbed out his cigarette, reached out for his instrument and started to play.